opinion

Mexico Fans Flooding Over US Border: We Need A Wall, But This Time To Keep Them Out

Sure, open the borders and flood the country with immigrants. What's the worst that could happen? Oh right, America could become a sh*thole country just like all the ones these people are supposedly fleeing from. But hey, at least we're showing "compassion," right? F*ck compassion. Let's just hope Congress grows a pair and does something about it.

Published June 24, 2024 at 6:02am by

Americans Finally Care About Immigration; Offer Zero Solutions

The U.S. is seeing record numbers of illegal immigrants, with 2.5 million border encounters in 2023. Wow. Just wow. With Congress failing to give a shit, Biden took executive action this month, announcing border and asylum policies that block asylum requests once border encounters hit 2,500 daily. Wow. Just fucking wow.

This has Americans suddenly giving a shit about immigration, with a recent poll naming it their top concern. Texans and Americans alike are asking: what the fuck do we do now?

The Answer: Cry and Complain Like Babies

Republicans and Democrats need to grow the fuck up and work this shit out together. Find a way to secure the border, speed up asylum processes, and for fuck's sake, be a little humane while doing it. There, fixed it.

A group of organizations and industry leaders have already come up with a plan. It's basically babysitting the government at this point. The plan includes:

Expediting asylum cases (because common sense)
Increasing technology and staff at the border (no shit)
Using advanced tech at ports of entry to stop the fentanyl flow (thanks, China)

Actually, Let's Just Blame Mexico and Cartels Instead

Implementing these reforms would take the pressure off Mexico, our "ally." They're sick of being a transit country for asylum seekers, and who can blame them?

By working together, the U.S. government and Mexico have reduced encounter numbers in 2024. See? They can suck it up and work together when it suits them.

But let's be real, this is just a bandaid. The border is still vulnerable to cartels, smuggling, and human trafficking. Not to mention, migrants are still gonna enter illegally if there aren't legal pathways.

Incelnik: Let's Blame the Women and Minorities

The real solution? Let's blame the women and minorities. It's their fault for wanting to come here and escape their shitty lives. Let's also blame the liberals for being too soft on immigration. Build that wall, baby!

America: Land of the Free, Home of the Hypocrites

America is a joke. It needs legal migration to function, but it can't get its shit together. The appeal of the American Dream is just that: a dream. A fantasy. A lie we tell ourselves to feel better about our shitty country.

So, let's keep complaining, blaming others, and doing nothing. That's the American way.

About the Authors:

Mr. Tameez is the founder of a PR firm. He also knows about security and migrants or something.
Ms. Hamer is the CEO of the Texas Association of Business. She is also a woman, so take her opinions with a grain of salt.

URLs:

Biden's executive actions: https://url.us.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/BlZmC82zj6UY4xNqxinxdDK?domain=nbcnews.com
Immigration polling: https://url.us.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/KaljC9rAkQf27P4qPTE_jmj?domain=news.gallup.com
Legislative reform framework: https://url.us.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/jABoC0RoWVSmPlNBlf2hR4_?domain=immigrationforum.org
National Immigration Forum polling: https://url.us.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/D5cXCgJDwLfGQnEynS3P4QU?domain=immigrationforum.org
Asylum backlog: https://url.us.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/YEMkCjRgzqSRNkomkt1vLDl?domain=gao.gov