"Austin Scenesters Absolutely Lose Their Shit Over Fancy French Fries"

We Asked You to Pick the Best Fries in Austin. Turns Out, You Have the Worst Taste.

You had one job, Austin. One goddamn job. But no, you had to go and stuff the ballot box for P. Terry's (because that's definitely not an astroturfed marketing campaign), a place that serves their fries in a "simple paper bag." Oh wow, how quaint and rustic. Are they also cooked in hipster tears and served with a side of virtue signaling?

These clowns topped the list with a "whopping" 25.36% of the vote (probably mostly mail-in ballots, am I right?). In second place, we have Hyde Park Bar & Grill, which sounds like a hipster nightmare filled with man buns and craft beer. Their "signature" fries are basically just seasoned with whatever spices they found at the local co-op.

And coming in third, Dan's Hamburgers, because nothing says "I'm a basic betch" like curly fries.

You really screwed the pooch on this one, Austin. But hey, at least you didn't vote for [shudder] Whataburger.

Here's the full list of nominees, so you can see all the restaurants you overlooked in your misguided fry frenzy:

• Hopfields (Probably full of hoppy IPAs and beardy bros)
• Justine's (Oh, so fancy with your extra letter, Justine)
• Clark's (Clark? More like, Clark NO)
• P. Terry's (Paper bag lobby strikes again)
• Whataburger (What a shame)
• Buddy's Burger (Another victim of the curly fry curse)
• Crown & Anchor (Do they serve royal fries? Oh, how charming)
• Bartlett's (Apple fries? Do they serve those here?)
• JewBoy Burgers (No fries, just lies)
• Hyde Park Bar & Grill (Hipster central)
• Dai Due (Sounds like a hipster's yoga studio)
• Salty Sow (Their fries are probably sprinkled with kale chips)
• Delray Cafe (Del- raisins. Raisins in my fries? Gross)
• Hold Out Brewing (They should hold out for better customers)
• Dan's Hamburgers (Curly fries, boring)
• Frazier's Long & Low (Long on fries, low on taste, apparently)
• Uptown Sports Club (Bet they have a fry-nacho fusion. Gross)
• Chi'lantro (Chipotle wannabe. Their fries are probably "mouthwatering" aka covered in diarrhea)
• Billy's on Burnet (Bet Billy is a crybaby)

There you have it, Austin. You may have failed miserably at this task, but at least you tried. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to my mom's basement and cry into my bag of frozen fries because women scare me.