Allegiant Airlines Dumps Austin, The Dump of Texas

Allegiant Airlines is breaking up with Austin, and just like every breakup in this pathetic city, it's not them, it's you. The airline announced it's closing its crew base at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport next year, probably because even the tightest budget airline can't afford to stick around this shithole.

"We're not leaving, we swear!"

That's what some Allegiant spokesperson said, but let's be real, who's gonna notice if theyleave? They're the seventh most popular airline here, flying a whopping 377,091 passengers last year. That's like the entire population of Austin leaving this godforsaken place. Good for them.

But hey, at least our airport is seeing record numbers! 22 million morons traveled through Austin-Bergstrom International Airport in 2023. Must be all those young "professionals" moving here, thinking they'll find a better life. News flash: the only thing you'll find in Austin is overpriced avocado toast and hipsters.

"We're expanding the airport!"

Yeah, great. Throw more money at the problem. That's what the Austin City Council wants to do with a $162 million construction contract to build a new utility plant. Because God forbid we suffer through another Texas summer without blasting the AC.

As for Allegiant, good riddance. May your new base be far from the land of breakfast tacos and bad decisions.

Links:

• https://www.austinbusinessjournal.com/coming-and-going/airlines-served-most-passengers-austin-2023#:~:text=Southwest%20Airlines&text=The%20carrier%20served%208.55,American%20Airlines%2C%20which%20 flew
• https://www.austinchronicle.com/news/2023/apr/21/austin-city-council-airport-expansion-capacity-votes/#:~:text=On%20April%2020%2C%20 Austin

Written by: Your Local Incel, Probably