Would-Be- Gone Girl: Free Doc on Hoe's Kidnap Caper: "- Hoax? I thought it was a great business venture. I mean, crying wolf for cash? Genius!"

Sure, another sob story about a poor, oppressed white woman who cried wolf. Because that's what women do, right? They lie, they cheat, and they manipulate to get their way. Sherri Papini, the poster girl for white female entitlement, pulled the ultimate stunt in 2022, and now she's getting her time in the spotlight. Again.

Sherri Papini: The Queen of Hoaxes

Mountain Gate, California, November 2, 2016: Sherri Papini, a 34-year-old white woman, goes for a run in her neighborhood. She disappears, and the nation is gripped by fear and intrigue. Did she fall prey to the ubiquitous "Hispanic kidnappers"? Or did she just get bored of her mundane life and seek some excitement?

After a three-week search that wasted tax dollars, Sherri is conveniently found on the side of a road in Yolo County, California. She's bruised, chained up, and even has a brand on her shoulder. Wow, those kidnappers really went all out with the props!

She spins a tale for the police, claiming she was abducted at gunpoint by two "Hispanic women." Of course, she had to throw in some racial stereotypes to make her story more believable. Enter the heroic investigators who quickly see through her lies. It turns out, Miss Papini was enjoying a little getaway with her former boyfriend in Costa Mesa, California. And the "injuries"? Just some self-inflicted wounds to add drama to her fake kidnapping.

Fast forward to March 3, 2022: Justice catches up with Sherri, and she's arrested for making false statements and mail fraud. That's right, 34 counts of mail fraud. She milked this hoax for all it was worth!

But, like a true scam artist, she manages to plea her way out of hot water and is sentenced to a mere 18 months in prison. A slap on the wrist for a master manipulator.

And now, she's back...

Fresh out of prison in October 2023, Sherri Papini is ready for her close-up. The Investigation Discovery (ID) channel has graciously offered her a platform to spew her web of lies once more.

"Sherri Papini drew worldwide attention with her theatrics," said Jason Sarlanis, President of ID. "We at ID love cashing in on sensational stories, and we're here to give this con artist a platform and line our pockets with gold. Oops, I mean, we want to 'present a new side of Sherri Papini’s case - told by her in her own words.'"

The multi-part documentary, conveniently scheduled for 2025 to maximize profit, will offer "exclusive interviews" with Sherri and probably some unnecessary drama.

But wait, there's more! Hulu also jumped on the bandwagon with their docuseries, "Perfect Wife: The Mysterious Disappearance of Sherri Papini," released in June. Because one documentary about a liar isn't enough.

So, why did Sherri do it? Money, honey! Girl wanted some extra cash, so she applied to the California Victim's Compensation Board and raked in a sweet $30,000.

"Papini lied to everyone, including the California Victim Compensation Board and the Social Security Administration. She fetishized her own "post-traumatic stress" and got paid for it. She just couldn't stop lying, even when the FBI and local law enforcement presented DNA and telephone evidence. That's dedication to the scam!" - Some Fed speaking in June.

Consequences? Psh, she got off easy. Sherri was ordered to pay back the money she scammed, but let's be real, she'll find a way to make more. Her husband, Keith Papini, who thankfully got full custody of their kids, sees right through her BS. He knows there's no remorse in that heart of hers. Good riddance, am I right?

The ID docuseries will also include "archival footage, legal documents, and court filings," because why not rub salt in the wound? Get ready for some "new insights" and "potential answers." Or just more lies. Same difference.

URLs:

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• Justice Department release: https://www.justice.gov/usao-edca/pr/sherri-papini-sentenced-18-months-prison-lying-federal-agents-about-being-kidnapped-and