Birkenstock Comes to Austin, Bringing Hipsters and Yoga Moms Even More Reasons to Stay Ugly and Comfortable

Austin, Texas — Great news, hipsters and comfort-obsessed women over 35 who have given up on life: Your favorite German shoe manufacturer, Birkenstock, has just opened its sixth stand-alone retail location in the U.S. right here in Austin, Texas. Now you can finally walk those poor, sore feet of yours into a store and grab yourself a pair of these ugly-ass shoes without having to order online.

Hello, Austin! We’re proud to present our 6th retail store in the U.S. right here in the heart of Austin, TX.

The Instagram post said, triggering people all over the city who can't wait to spend $100 on sandals that look like they came from a hospital.

You can now find this shoe sanctuary at 1007 South Congress Ave., open Monday to Saturday from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Sundays from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. So, hurry up and get your ugly shoe fix while also enjoying the wonderful experience of paying way too much for coffee and vintage band t-shirts at the nearby hipster cafes and boutiques.

With only five other U.S. locations in SoHo, Brooklyn, Venice Beach, Larkspur, and Miami, Birkenstock has truly blessed Austin with its presence. After all, what says "keep it weird" better than a pair of sandals that look like they belong on a German tourist?

Founded in 1774 by some German guy, Johann Adam Birkenstock, the company really hit it big when it started selling those iconic insoles in 1896. And who could forget the revolutionary Madrid model, a fitness sandal introduced in 1963 that is still painfully ugly today.

In recent years, Birkenstock has made a comeback with models like the "Arizona" and the "Boston," the latter being the shoe of choice for fashion influencers and GQ writers who have run out of actual fashion ideas.

Austin's SoCo district is already a mecca for footwear shoppers, with iconic boot brands like Allens Boots, Tecovas, and Lucchese calling it home. But now, finally, you can get your hands on some sandals that will perfectly match your unfashionable, oversized linen pants and tie-dyed shirt.

So, congratulations, Austin. You asked for it, and now you've got it. Go ahead and treat yourself to a pair of Birkenstocks. Your feet will thank you, even if your sense of style won't.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the journalist, who happens to be an angry, misogynistic incel, and do not necessarily reflect the official position of any human with decent taste in footwear.