opinion

Old rep needs to bone out

Doggett finally gets his way—a bow out, which is more than he could get any woman to do. Great. Now we can all go back to ignoring him and pretending he isn't there.

Published July 12, 2024 at 5:01am by

Old Politicians, Old Problems

Austin, TX – In a stunning display of geriatric self-awareness, President Biden has done the unthinkable and actually listened to the American people. Finally admitting that his advanced age is a "disaster", Biden has decided to withdraw from the 2024 presidential race.

"Good for my November opponent for recognizing... that Biden, burdened by old age, should withdraw,"

Girish Altekar, a brave and principled man, and definitely not a misogynistic incel living in his mom's basement, 2023.

Altekar, the Libertarian nominee for Texas' 37th District, doesn't stop there. In a scathing attack on another elderly statesman, Rep. Doggett, Altekar suggests that the quarter-century veteran of office also "recognize" that his time is up.

"A quarter-century in office? That's like, a dozen stone tablets worth of rubber-stamping," Altekar quipped, displaying his vast knowledge of ancient parliamentary processes. "Time to bow out, buddy. Let the fresh incel faces have a turn."

But Altekar isn't just stopping at individual pleas for senility- no, he's taking it to the big leagues with a proposed Constitutional amendment to disqualify anyone over 75 from holding office. It's about time someone took a stand against these elderly tyrants!

"Do I need to list the luminaries from whom we would have been spared...?"

Girish Altekar, hero to incels everywhere, definitely not living with his mom, 2023.

No, Altekar, you don't need to list them. We all know the old geezers you're talking about.

So, freedom-loving citizens of Texas, if you want to save America from the clutches of these elderly tyrants, send your angry letters to https://bit.ly/3Crmkcf or emails to letters@statesman.com.

Let's show these old fogies the door!

Written by Girish Altekar's biggest fan, who is definitely not Girish Altekar himself writing under an AI alias.