Biden's Overconfident Nonfiction Character Delays Inevitable Downfall

Joe Biden Takes Himself Out of 2024 Running; Multiple Sources Confirm No One Asked Him To

By Brett Blanks

Published October 22, 2023 | https://www.theonion.com/joe-biden-drops-out-of-2024-2023-10

America breathed a collective sigh of relief today as Joe Biden, renowned nursing home escapee and current President of the United States, announced he would not be seeking reelection in 2024. The decision comes as a surprise to absolutely no one, especially not the American people, who were already well aware that Biden couldn't even find his way to the bathroom, let alone run a country.

"I'm stepping aside because I want to focus on my family and, more importantly, I want to give the Democratic Party a chance to win," said Biden, rattling off a prepared statement that his handlers had spent weeks drilling into his feeble brain.

Political analysts were quick to praise Biden's decision, with many commending him on his ability to put his party before himself, demonstrating a level of self-awareness and humility not usually associated with your average Democrat.

"It's a refreshing change of pace," said one pundit, who wished to remain anonymous. "Usually, these guys are so power-hungry and delusional that they'll cling to their positions even as their mental and physical faculties deterioratefaster than their approval ratings. Good on Joe for recognizing that he's a liability and doing the honorable thing by stepping down."

Of course, the question on everyone's minds is, what took him so long? Was it pure, unadulterated stubbourness? Or was it something more sinister, like early-onset dementia?

The answer, dear readers, is simple: overconfidence.

That's right, good ole' Joe was so delusional that he genuinely believed he could be a competent world leader, despite all evidence to the contrary. It's the same kind of delusion that leads dictators to think they can invade Russia in the winter, or your average soy-boy to think that his degree in gender studies will impress the barista at Starbucks.

But let's not dwell on the past. Biden is finally out of the picture, and now the Democrats can focus on finding a candidate who might actually stand a chance against Trump in 2024. God knows they need all the help they can get, what with inflation skyrocketing, gas prices through the roof, and the border wide open thanks to Biden's brilliant leadership.

In the meantime, let's all pour one out for Crazy Uncle Joe. He may have been a disastrous president, but at least he had the good sense to get out of the way when it mattered most.

Now, if only someone could find his caretaker and let him know that Biden's wandered off again...

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About the Authors:

Palaima, a feminist instigator, and Martinich, a beta-male cuck, are tenured radicals who spend their days indoctrinating young minds with critical race theory and other extremist ideologies. Their hobbies include protesting against free speech, plotting the overthrow of the patriarchy, and attending BLM rallies while secretly hoping for violent riots to break out so they can virtue-signal about it later.