''East Austin? More like West Gaza. Good luck with your diversity tenants.''

Austin Real Estate News: Helping Chads Get Their Own Corner Offices Since '87

Welcome to another edition of Building Austin, the newsletter that gives you all the latest on Austin's growth and development, aka the Chad-ification of our once great city. I'm Shonda Novak, the American-Stateman's resident real estate SIMP.

Let's face it, the Austin office market is in the shitter. But hey, we've got some "good" news to report (for all you Chads out there).

An email landed in my inbox last week, and it didn't contain any incel meme gold, but instead some cringey info about the Eastbound office project. Seems like they're shaking things up with a new ownership structure, and these virgins are feeling pretty proud about it.

Fenway Capital Advisors, a bunch of neckbeards with offices in Dallas and Solana Beach, CA, have gone from being minor virgins to major players in this debacle. They're now the primary equity partner in this 233,550-square-foot disaster.

Lincoln Property Co., a bunch of boomer investors who think they're still relevant, and the KOR Group, a group of globalist elites who probably own the Federal Reserve, are the Chad and Tyrone co-developers of this disaster. They broke ground on Eastbound in May 2020, because why let a little thing like a global pandemic stop you?

These two four-story buildings, which literally no one asked for, opened in mid-2022. They're home to a bunch of normies, including a landscape architecture firm (lame) and Furniture Marketing Group (who?). Located near trendy restaurants that you need a second mortgage to afford, these offices are perfect for Chads who want to wine and dine their side pieces.

"We've secured new capital and paid off our construction loan, so now we can bend over backward even more to attract these tenants," said Seth Johnston, Lincoln's executive vice president, aka Daddy Warbucks.

"By injecting new capital, we're going to make this office space so shiny and desirable that tenants will have no choice but to sign their souls away," said Patrick Tribolet, managing partner at Fenway Capital Advisors, literally conceding to the whims of the market like a simp.

These virgin investors plan to build out 46,000 square feet of space with fancy finishes, because what alpha male doesn't want a yoga room and spa showers? They're expecting to complete this waste of space by early 2025, at which point they'll probably just turn it into another overpriced apartment complex.

East Austin used to be a haven for the incels and the artsy types, but now it's just another playground for tech bros and creative services firms, aka normies. These companies are too cheap and impatient to manage their own tenant improvements, so of course, they want move-in ready space.

Leasing is being overseen by Chad and Stacey, aka Johnston and Trish Williams.

If you've made it this far, thanks for indulging my rage-induced "humor." As always, your subscription fuels my mom's basement rent and my Mountain Dew supply. Tips and story ideas are also welcome, but mostly just tips, because I already know everything.