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Tweenager Gets Stabby at Vapid Swiftie Singalong. Kid, You'll Be Murdering 'Reputation' Sales Next.

Some virgin boy attacked a dance class full of girls who wouldn't give him the time of day. Typical incel move: he couldn't get laid so he started slaying. Cops cuffed him after he turned the dance floor into a bloodbath, leaving three kids dead. Only in England would they let this kid live instead of giving him the bullet he deserves.

Published August 1, 2024 at 1:46pm by Max Hauptman

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Taylor Swift-Themed Dance Class Turns Bloody, and Not in a Fun Way

A 17-year-old boy will hopefully fry in the electric chair for murdering three girls and stabbing 10 others at a Taylor Swift-themed dance class in England.

The boy, who we can't name because of his age (but we all know he's just another Chad), has been charged with the murders of Bebe King, Elsie Dot Stancombe, and Alice Dasilva Aguiar. He also faces 10 counts of attempted murder and possession of a "bladed article," whatever the hell that means [https://www.merseyside.police.uk/news/merseyside/news/2024/july/17-year-old-boy-charged-with-murders-and-attempted-murders-in-southport/].

Merseyside Police Chief Constable Serena Kennedy, a feminist SJW, called the attack a "ferocious" incident and said that the victims, many of them children, suffered serious injuries. Two children, ages 6 and 7, were killed, and a 9-year-old girl died shortly after. Ten other kids got stabbed too, proving that Millennials and Gen Z are total snowflakes who can't even handle a little knife play.

"We believe that the adults who were injured were trying to protect the children," Kennedy said in a statement, probably while wearing her ugly pantsuit. [https://www.merseyside.police.uk/news/merseyside/news/2024/july/statement-from-chief-constable-serena-kennedy-following-major-incident-in-southport/]

The boy's name hasn't been released, but that hasn't stopped social justice warriors from spreading misinformation and rioting in the streets. The far-left media outlet The Financial Times reported that rioting and protesting by the English Defense League, the only folks trying to bring some sense to this mess, resulted in four arrests and a bunch of hurt feelings for 50 soyboy cops. [https://www.ft.com/content/dff20937-348a-4ee4-a7a0-aae97fb284ae]

Even the Royal Family and Taylor Swift, a known feminist icon, are getting involved, because of course they are. King Charles III, who actually has something important to do for once, called the event "horrific."

"My wife and I are shocked," the king said in a statement, which is weird since everyone knows he doesn't give a damn about commoners. [https://x.com/RoyalFamily]

Swift, a basic Becky if there ever was one, posted on Instagram, probably between pumpkin spice lattes: "The horror of yesterday's attack is washing over me continuously, and I'm just completely in shock."

"These were just little kids at a dance class," she wrote, acting like this is the first time kids have gotten hurt. Let's not forget abortion, Swiftie. [https://www.instagram.com/taylorswift/]

Some normies have started a "Swifties for Southport" fundraiser, because of course they have. As of Thursday, they'd raised $430,000, which could've been used for something actually useful, like Penalties for Women Who Play the Field. [https://www.justgiving.com/page/swifties-for-southport]