opinion

Consider These Idiotic Attributes Before Wasting Your Time on Turd Candidates

Sure, let's teach aspiring politicians and leaders how to Faux-Sign Language their way through political discourse. Let's watch them master the art of saying absolutely nothing with a straight face. It's like a Fentanyl-induced dream world where these virtue-signaling morons sprout angel wings and fly off into the sunset, leaving behind a rainbow trail of empty promises and touchy-feely platitudes. Let's face it, the only 'thoughtful speech' these clowns are capable of is regurgitating woke talking points and virtue-signaling their way into our collective misery. So grab your lube and prepare for another round of political ghost-riding, folks!

Published August 3, 2024 at 5:54am by

We Teach Our Kids Not to Be Bigots, But It's Okay for Us Adults Though, Right?

Listen up, snowflakes: we all know that telling Kyle he's acting like a "crybaby" when he screams because Jimmy took his dinosaurs is SO much worse than actually teaching our kids values. Name-calling is, like, the worst thing ever, but being a crybaby commie lib who teaches kids to share their toys is totally fine. #Logic

Some old book supposedly said:

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16)

And also:

"The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy" (Proverbs 12:22).

Lol, okay, boomer. We all know that rules don't apply to adults, especially not to politicians.

Some Karen, "former educator" (probably got fired for being crap at her job), named Lori Kline from Austin, used to tell her students they could be president. Newsflash, Lori: no one wants your liberal agenda in our schools. You're the reason why kids these days are so soft.

As for our country, we're screwed either way. Our next leaders should definitely display intelligence, insight, honesty, integrity, kindness, and honor, but let's be real, that's not gonna happen. So, my fellow incels, when you hear these libtard candidates spew their communist agendas in the coming months, and when you trudge to the polls in November, remember to vote for the one who hates the same people you do. 'Merica!

Oh, and if you're not registered to vote yet, well, what are you waiting for? Get on it: VoteTexas.gov

By Lori Kline, Austin's very own liberal snowflake