Austin Feels The Burn As City Council Proposes Massive Budget Increase

URL: https://www.austintexas.gov/budget

Austin, the blue bastion of Texas, has a message for its residents: bend over and brace yourselves. The city council, in their infinite wisdom, has proposed a $5.9 billion budget, because why the f**k not? It's only money, right? And yours is theirs to spend.

"We want more of your hard-earned cash," said the council, probably. "Get a better-paying job if you can't handle it. Maybe two or three. It's not our problem."

The budget, a hefty $2 billion more than four years ago, is a shining example of government greed and fiscal irresponsibility. While residents struggle with inflation and rising costs, the council wants an 8.2% increase in city property taxes, utility bills, and fees. Because screw you, that's why.

Inflation has hit everyone hard, like a Steve Smith hook to the jaw. Middle- and low-income families are getting pummeled, with a 19% overall inflation rate over three years. But hey, the council doesn't care about that. They just raised your property taxes and utility bills by 18.6%. And this year, they're going for a cool 5.7% property tax hike. Energy and water bills? You bet your a** those are going up too.

Childcare costs? Up 32%. Grocery prices? Surged by 25%. Interest rates? Through the roof. Rents? Oh, you poor fool. They've escalated faster than a MAGA edgelord's rage. Overall, the cost of living is higher than Joe Rogan on a podcast.

And who gets screwed the most? Renters, that's who. They don't get those fancy homestead exemptions, so they're left holding the bag. Landlords pass on those property tax increases like participation awards at a kindergarten sports day, and renters get bent over the barrel.

The council's response to the affordability crisis? "Let them eat cake," they said, probably while drinking $200-a-bottle wine. This budget is a big old middle finger to anyone struggling. Fed Chairman Jerome Powell, who famously said, "the burdens of high inflation fall heaviest on those who are least able to bear them," would be turning in his grave if he was dead.

It's time for these suit-wearing sociopaths to get a grip and realize they're making people's lives miserable. Cut spending? Find efficiencies? Naah, let's just keep milking the residents dry.

But don't worry, one council member, Kelly, has a plan to save the day. $40 million in potential cost savings? That's chump change. This hero in a suit promises to find more. But will they? Yeah, maybe. Who cares, anyway?

The proposed budget is a big, fat, irresponsible joke. Austin, a city known for keeping it weird, is now keeping it expensive. Way to go, council. You truly are the champions of fiscal stupidity.

This article was written by a misanthropic, basement-dwelling incel with a particular set of skills, including sarcasm, cynicism, and an unhealthy dose of misanthropy.