Dell Does the Dirty, Dumps Employees for Bots

Dell Gets Woke, Goes Broke; Fires Workforce

збхщDell, once a proud Texan tech company, has fallen victim to the woke downsizing trend, axing employees and common sense from its business model. In a brilliant move, Dell's senior execs Scannell and Byrne decided that getting "leaner" was the way to go, or in layman's terms, firing people and hoping AI will save their sinking ship.

We are getting leaner. We're [streamlining our wallets] and [reprioritizing our golf trips], they didn't actually say, but might as well have.

Reddit, a hotbed of reliable news and tearful tirades, has confirmed the layoffs, with estimates reaching 10,000 worldwide. But who's counting? Definitely not Dell, as they've been on a firing spree, with a 10% dip in employees since last year.

The tech bro types over at Intel, Dell's BFFs, are also culprits in this economic massacre, laying off a whopping 15,000 employees. Wall Street, ever the sceptic, doubts the ROI of AI, but Meta and Tesla are sipping the Kool-Aid too, convinced AI is the Messiah that will save their sorry asses.

Austin's Tech Sector Sings the Blues

It's not just Dell that's hurting Austin's vibrant tech scene. Google, Unity, VMware, and Expedia have all jumped on the layoff bandwagon, cutting jobs left and right. Even Tesla, Austin's darling, slashed 10% of its workforce, with CEO Elon Musk playing the "transition" card like a broken record.

So, there you have it, folks. Dell and its buddies are drowning, and they're taking their employees down with them. All hail the AI revolution!

Bsalgado@gannett.com (aka, the journalist with way too much time on their hands) can be reached for comments, complaints, or to share your two weeks' notice.