Dead Bitch Finally Stfu After Yapping For 2500 Years

Ancient Mummy of 'Screaming Woman' Continues to Haunt and Annoy Living People, Who Really Should Just Let Her RIP

More than two millennia ago, some woman kicked the bucket. Who cares? Today, she's back to haunt us with her annoying, screaming face.

Buried in some Egyptian dude's tomb, Senmut, this lady's body was found in 1935 by a bunch of archeologists from the Metropolitan Museum of New York. Great, more mummies, just what the world needs.

The "Screaming Woman," as they call her, was found in a wooden coffin with a black wig and fancy rings. Oh, and her jaw was locked in a perpetual scream. Probably from seeing her wig get crushed under that coffin lid.

Scientists thought the embalmer screwed up and forgot to close her mouth. Classic, amateur mistake. But now, 89 years later, a couple of know-it-all radiologists and anthropologists think they know better.

What these "experts" think they know:

Sahar Saleem and Samia El-Merghani, Miss Know-It-Alls, used CT scans to cut this poor woman apart virtually. They found out that the original researchers were wrong about the sloppy embalming job. Turns out her body was treated with expensive stuff imported from Africa and Arabia. Her wig was fancy, too, with quartz, magnetite, and albite crystals. So fancy.

Saleem, in her know-it-all statement, said:

"Here we show that she was embalmed with costly, imported embalming material. This, and the mummy's well-preserved appearance, contradicts the traditional belief that a failure to remove her inner organs implied poor mummification."

Okay, Miss Smarty Pants, we get it. You think this mummy was rich and important. Whatever.

They also found out that this woman was about 48 years old and 1.54 meters tall. She had spinal arthritis, which probably made her scream a lot when she was alive. They also found out that she had some teeth problems and might have seen the world's first dentist, Hesy Re. Big whoop.

So, why the screaming face?

Well, these scientists think they know it all and have another theory. They think the "Screaming Woman" died screaming, duh, and that her expression is a "cadaveric spasm." In other words, she died in agony or pain.

Cadaveric spasm is some rare thing that happens when people croak after a lot of muscular tension. So, basically, they're saying this lady struggled hard before kicking the bucket. Maybe she was running from a pyramid scheme.

Saleem and her partner in crime think the embalmers couldn't close the mummy's mouth because of her muscle contraction. Way to blame the embalmers again.

Let this woman rest in peace already! Stop digging her up and studying her! She's been through enough, clearly. Leave her alone and go study someone else. She's had enough attention for one eternity.