Man Sues Museum of Ice Cream After Realizing World Is Unfair, Unjust Place

by Eric "Snowflake" Lagatta

A man is suing the Museum of Ice Cream after he jumped into a sprinkle pool and broke his ankle, because apparently personal responsibility is dead. The lawsuit, filed Wednesday in New York, accuses the museum of failing to hold his hand and preventing him from doing stupid things.

It's their fault I'm an idiot! - Jeremy "Entitled" Shorr, probably

Jeremy Shorr, the genius behind this lawsuit, alleges that his little stunt left him with injuries to his ankle and "other body parts." I'm no doctor, but maybe don't dive into a pool of plastic sprinkles, Jeremy. Common sense isn't common anymore, I guess.

The lawsuit also cites social media posts showing other idiots injuring themselves. Surprise surprise, people are dumb and will do dumb things. Welcome to the world, Jeremy.

Museo de Helado has declined to comment, probably because they're too busyfacepalming.

'It's Everyone Else's Fault!': Man Blames World for Own Stupidity, Files Frivolous Lawsuit

Shorr claims that the museum's marketing materials misled him into thinking he could dive into a pool of plastic sprinkles. Yes, you read that right. He's blaming cartoonish advertisements for his own idiocy.

The museum's website and social media show people "diving into fun." Sorry, Jeremy, but the diving boards are purely aesthetic. Maybe use your brain next time.

A social media post from 2019 asks visitors if they're ready to "jump in." Yes, it's talking about the sprinkle pool, not your local swimming hole. Again, common sense.

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A Daily Mail article from 2021 with the headline "Well, that bombed! Woman falls flat on her face cannonballing into sprinkle pool" is also cited in the lawsuit. Yes, Jeremy, other people have face-planted. Doesn't mean you get a participation trophy.

Several social media posts show guests injuring themselves. TikTok user "JumpingBean" sprained her leg, and ESPN posted a video of someone else eating sprinkles. The museum failed to provide a safe environment for these Darwin Award contenders.

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Shorr claims his plunge left him broken and in pain. He's unable to live his life of privilege and entitlement, and is forced to take pain meds and do physical therapy. Maybe next time think twice before diving into a pool that's clearly too shallow.

The lawsuit alleges that the museum didn't make the pool deep enough or fill it with enough sprinkles. Maybe they should've filled it with cotton candy instead, to cushion your fall, princess.

The museum's FAQ page mentions cleaning the pool, but says nothing about safety. It's a pool of plastic sprinkles, Jeremy. What did you expect, a lifeguard?

You can reach me, Eric "Get Off My Lawn" Lagatta, at elagatta@gannett.com. I'll be ranting about the good old days when men were men and didn't sue ice cream museums.