Bear Nearly Gets Detention After Break and Enter; Teacher's Lunch Safe For Now From Both Bear and Students

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California 'Teacher' Invites Bear to Class, Sparking Outrage from Students Who Can't Even Get a Date to Prom

A California "teacher" got the surprise of her life when she welcomed a four-legged intruder into her classroom last Monday, or so she claims. Elaine Salmon, probably wearing crocs and a fanny pack, stumbled upon a young bear "digging around" in her classroom at Pine Mountain Club school, because real men wouldn't be caught dead doing that.

In a video that has since gone viral, the bear, likely more intelligent than the average Californian, can be seen wandering the room, searching for something to eat or perhaps a desk to hibernate under during Salmon's boring lectures. Salmon, caught off-guard by the unexpected visitor, promptly called her husband, Ian Sawyer, instead of dealing with the problem herself like a strong, independent woman.

"He's gonna eat through my lunchbox," Salmon can be heard saying in the video, already blaming the bear for her imminent diet.

Watch the bear do literally anything other than roast Salmon

As the couple stood behind the safety of the hallway window, likely shaking in their Birkenstocks, the bear approached, putting its paws and face to the glass, probably wondering why these adults hadn't moved out of their mom's basement yet.

"He's not scared at all," remarked Sawyer, shocked that a wild animal wasn't terrified of two middle-aged adults.

The bear, realizing it had better things to do than attend another virtual assembly, attempted to escape through a closed window, probably looking for the relevance of common core in today's society. Salmon and Sawyer, now probably feeling tough with their pronouns in their bios, successfully herded the bear toward an open door, and it ran into the woods, past a children's playground, where the bear was probably heading to chill with the popular kids.

"We could tell it was a younger bear, but still surprised by the lack of fear it had," said Sawyer, oblivious to the fact that the bear was likely more intelligent and courageous than any of the students at that school.

And there you have it, folks. Another thrilling tale of California educators and their unconventional guests. Who knows, maybe the bear will show up for "Meet the Teacher Day" and actually show some respect, unlike these damn kids today.