Texas AG Launches Fraud Probe into CenterPoint, Because Government Bureaucrats Always Save the Day

Proper use of taxpayer money? Like funding their fake tans and golf club memberships?

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton decided to do his job for once and launched an investigation into everyone's favorite electricity company, CenterPoint Energy, on Monday. The company has been doing a bang-up job lately, leaving millions of Texans without power after Hurricane Beryl hit on July 8.

My office is totally aware of the issues. I mean, how could we not be? We had to light our farts to see too. - Paxton, probably

CenterPoint, which proudly serves about 7 million customers in the U.S. Gulf and Upper Midwest markets, has been doing a fantastic job at damage control after the Category 1 storm. Their CEO, Jason Wells, even apologized to the poor affected customers and their families for the "frustrations" they experienced. What a hero.

Wells also made it clear that he wouldn't resign, because apparently, that's what everyone wants. Can't let those golden parachutes go to waste!

We're sorry we suck, but please don't make us accountability. We promise to do better. Maybe. - Wells, basically

In true corporate fashion, CenterPoint then took to social media to showcase their workers "removing vegetation" and trimming tree limbs to prevent future outages. Because that's the real issue here, right? Not enough tree trimming!

We're trimming our bush, I mean vegetation, to prevent future...outages. - CenterPoint, being shady

While an estimated 300,000 CenterPoint customers were still without power a week after the storm, Texas Governor Greg Abbott gave the company a gentle deadline of July 31 to submit a plan to minimize future outages. Surprise, surprise, CenterPoint dropped the ball, and Abbott's office called their response "unacceptable."

Governor Abbott reminded them to actually do their jobs and not electrocute citizens. - Abbott's office, babysitting adults

Texas residents can expect a thorough and expedient investigation from Paxton, who provided no details on the scope or timeline of the probe. Because when government bureaucrats get involved, everything is sure to be resolved swiftly and efficiently!

State Senator Paul Bettencourt applauded the investigation, probably because it shifts the blame from his own ineptitude. What a clown show.

I'm just glad it's not me being investigated...for now. - Bettencourt, sweating