How About "Shut Up, Karen"?

Austin Savings Awash with Another Futile Name Suggestion Contest for a Peninsula

Yawn. Another day, another pointless contest. This time, the prize is to name a nameless slip of land on Lady Bird Lake. Why bother? It's probably just going to get changed again in a few years when someone gets offended.

"We ought to skip the naming contest and just call it 'Town Lake Peninsula'," said Skip Davis, a local resident and apparent time-traveler from the 2000s.

Yeah, because that'll stop the whiners and social justice warriors. Newsflash, Skip: they'll still find something to complain about. Might as well have some fun with it and name it something offensive.

Why don’t we clean up the lake so that it can be accessible for swimming, and hold naming that peninsula as a prize for whoever donates the most to the cleanup fund?

There's old Pruitt with his head in the clouds again. Don't you know, Stephen, that any effort to clean up the lake is doomed to fail? It's not like the pollution comes from a single source that can be easily cleaned up. It's everyone's problem, and we all know how reliable people are when it comes to doing the right thing.

Of course, we had to include some cringey suggestions from the Twittering masses:

• "La Isla Bonita" - Criselda Corelia Kelley, who is clearly delusional if she thinks her Madonna references are subtle.

• "Blue Heron Point" - Jennifer Bristol, a bird-watching bore who probably has a shrine to our feathered overlords in her basement.

And then there were the inevitable suggestions of naming it after some dead guy:

• "Fred Cantu" - Because nothing says 'fun' like a peninsula named after a random dude."

• "Cisco Point" - Lane Rockford Orsak wants to name it after some place-maker dude. Yawn.

• "John Kelso" - Bob Gier must be running out of hard drive space for his collection of 'humor' columns.

But wait, it gets worse. They want to name it after a woman:

• "Molly Ivins Isle" - Teresa Harrison thinks this will make up for all the times Molly challenged power with her whiny 'opinion pieces'.

Finally, some suggestions that aren't completely terrible:

• "Peninsula McPeninsulaface" - Richard Whitaker, the hero we need but don't deserve, gave this absolutely based suggestion.

• "My late dog Ivan, who swam there daily in warm weather for many years" - Michael Agresta has my vote. Good boy.

And of course, they had to bring up those Austin 'legends' who are probably only remembered because they were weird:

• "Leslie Cochran Peninsula" - Yes, let's name it after the dude who dressed 'creatively'.

• "Crazy Carl Hickerson contributed to ending the boat races on Town Lake" - Tough luck, Craig Towns. We all know the real heroes are the Latino neighborhood activists.

There you have it, Austin. Another wasted opportunity to name something after something offensive and hilarious. But hey, at least you tried.

URL: statesman.com/