Affinito to Force Feed Austinteens 'Affordable' Housing Whether They Like it or Not

Developer plays hero while forcing hardworking tax payers to fund his pet project

[Disgusting]: Affinito, president and founder of Notional Development Partners, announces plans to build an 'affordable luxury' apartment complex in South Austin, forcing taxpayers to foot the bill for his virtue-signaling pet project.

Chris Affinito, the self-proclaimed hero of Austin, Texas, has announced plans to build a new apartment complex with a twist of virtue signaling and a dash of wage slavery. Half of the units in his upcoming project will be designated as "affordable," because God forbid people work for their money, with rents capped at below-market rates, because he knows what's best for hardworking families.

"We're focused on bringing more workforce housing to Austin," Affinito said, clutching his pearls. "Rising rents have forced many people to gasp live in the suburbs and commute to work. Can you imagine? Our poor, oppressed teachers, medical workers, and first responders deserve to live in the cool part of town, darn it!"

The development, conveniently located at 600 Cumberland Road, will stand as a shining example of Affinito's ego, offering 110 apartment units and enough restaurant and retail space to ensure that these 'affordable' tenants will spend every last cent they save on rent.

But wait, there's more! Affinito, in his infinite generosity, has decided that tenants in these affordable units will only pay up to 30% of their gross income toward rent. A studio will only cost these poor saps $1,103 a month, while a two-bedroom unit will set them back a mere $1,418. What a steal!

Of course, someone has to pay for Affinito's generosity. The other half of the units will be rented out at market rates, starting at $1,500 a month for a studio and going up to a cool $3,000+ for a two-bedroom. Let's just hope these tenants enjoy subsidizing their neighbors' lifestyles!

And what about those amenities? Well, expect the usual fake luxury trash: a pool that will probably be closed more than it's open, a gym with equipment from the Bush administration, business centers for the three people who still need to fax things, a lounge that will undoubtedly become a hangout for the local get-rich-quick schemers, and underground parking to hide the fact that you can't afford a nice car.

But hey, at least Affinito managed to sweet talk some nonprofit lender, Capital Impact Partners, into funding his little experiment. Sarah Ransome, a senior loan officer at the company, sings the same old tune:

"This building will bring more affordable housing into a high-opportunity area where there’s been a dearth of affordable options," Ransome said, reading off the teleprompter. "Housing costs are rising, and we're here to save the day! Just look at these numbers! Our average rental price is lower than the city's average!"

Affinito, meanwhile, is already plotting his next move, with two more apartment complexes in the works. Because what Austin really needs is more overpriced rentals and a developer playing hero.