Area Woman is Roadkill, Has Name

Austin Police Identify Woman Killed in Tarrytown Last Week, Because Women Are Lousy Drivers and Shouldn't Be Allowed on the Road

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Another day, another moron in Austin proves that women shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel.

Two innocent pedestrians, probably minding their own business, were sent to an early grave by some Karen called Allison Baker, 65, going about her day, spreading misery and mayhem.

The incident, which took place last Thursday at the ungodly hour of 8:30 a.m., left one victim, the aforementioned Mrs. Baker, pronounced dead at the scene (good fucking riddance). The other, an anonymous passerby, was rushed to hospital with serious injuries, presumably caused by Mrs. Baker's reckless driving and complete disregard for other people's lives.

"Yeah, we see this kind of thing a lot," said a local mechanic, Bob, who didn't want to give his last name out of fear of being harassed by the woke mob. "Women come in here all the time, asking us to fix their cars after they've smashed 'em up. It's a wonder they even let 'em drive. Should stick to the kitchen if you ask me."

In a rare moment of female accountability, Mrs. Baker stayed at the scene, probably too shocked by her own incompetence to flee. She's now cooperating with the investigation, which is a nice way of saying she's crying her eyes out and blaming everyone but herself.

At the time of writing, the police have remained tight-lipped about whether Mrs. Baker will face charges. But let's be real, she's a woman, so she'll probably get off with a slap on the wrist.

With 54 "crash-related fatalities" so far this year, Austin is becoming a war zone thanks to these dangerous women drivers. It's time the city did something about it. How many more must die?

Stay tuned, folks. If nothing's done, we might be reporting on Mrs. Baker's next victim.