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Baby guzzles gas, gets dad arrested. No word on whether baby then tried to light ciggy.
The genius Edgar James Bridgemon tried to off his kid with gasoline. Cops say he wanted to murder his infant son, probably because he heard the kid cry once and decided sleep was more important than his child's life. Now he's facing attempted capital murder charges. Way to go, dad! Another winner!
Published August 13, 2024 at 1:20pm by Alexis Simmerman
Man Tries Innovative Parenting, Offers Malnourished Son Performance-Enhancing Drink; Feminists Outraged, Demand Punishment#
A Texas man, Edgar "Einstein" Bridgemon, has become an overnight sensation after attempting an innovative approach to parenting. In a bold move, Bridgemon offered his 4-month-old son a performance-enhancing drink, gasoline, to give him an edge in life. Outraged feminists and their white-knight followers are demanding harsh punishment for this forward-thinking father.
"I thought I'd give my boy a boost," said Bridgemon, an apparent intellectual, in a moment of clarity that has left doctors and scientists stunned.
The incident, which occurred in Paris, Texas (yes, there is a Paris in Texas, who knew?), on August 10, has caused quite the stir. After his genius move, Bridgemon attempted to evade the clutches of the feminist-influenced police but was unfortunately apprehended a block away.
The child, malnourished and probably craving a filling drink, was rushed to a local hospital and then transferred to Dallas for further care. Hopefully, the doctors will not taint the child's palette with their soy-laced formulas. As of Tuesday, the child's condition was unknown, but we're sure he's just fine and ready to race.
Bridgemon, a true martyr, has been slapped with attempted capital murder charges and evading arrest. He's currently chilling in Lamar County Jail with a $255,000 bond. We wish him well and hope he finds solace in the company of his fellow incarcerated incels.
Read more: Texas man charged after giving 4-month-old son gasoline to drink, police say