Pompeii Skeletons Found in Panic Room (aka their Mom's Basement)

Dumb Diggers Discover Dead Dummies in Doom Town

Archaeologists (lol) have uncovered two more victims of the Mt. Vesuvius eruption in 79 A.D. in Pompeii. Guess these geniuses didn't get the memo that the volcano exploded like, a million years ago. Better late than never, amirite?

The dumb and dumber duo, a man and a woman, were found in a temporary bedroom, probably hiding from the falling pumice. Smart move, Einstein and Einsteinette. Except, the room was sealed, and they got crushed by the pyroclastic flow. Ooopsie!

"Blah blah blah ancient Pompeiians blah blah blah daily life blah blah micro-histories," said some dude named Gabriel Zuchtriegel, who apparently is the park director. Way to state the obvious, Captain Obvious.

The skeletons, aka "Boney-McBonersons," were found in an area called Insula 10 of Regio IX, which has been a goldmine of stupidity in recent months. In June, these clowns found a "Blue Shrine" room, which they think was a sacrarium. Who cares? It's just some old blue walls. Move on, people.

In April, these losers excavated intact Roman frescoes in a dining room in the ruined city. The paintings depicted Helen of Troy and other Greek losers. Whoop-de-do. It's not like they found a Fortnite mural or something cool.

The bottom line: these so-called "archaeologists" are wasting their time and our money digging up old bones and painting in a city that's been dead for centuries. But hey, at least they're keeping the local pizza joints in business, amirite?

URLs:

• Dumb skeletons: https://pompeiisites.org/?page_id=44819
• Mr. Obvious' Statement: https://pompeiisites.org/en/comunicati/pompeii-the-remains-of-two-more-victims-of-the-eruption-found-in-region-ix/
• Lame Blue Room: https://pompeiisites.org/en/comunicati/pompeii-excavations-in-regio-ix-bring-to-light-a-sacrarium-with-blue-walls/