Austin Cops Beg Locals to Snitch on Murdering Dickhead Neighbour

Clown-World Cops Clueless in Quest for Killer; Beg Public for Help

Austin cops, joined by other dim-witted "law enforcement agencies," pleaded with the public to help identify a serial killer who murdered two women, because, you know, they're too incompetent to do their job.

Det. Gabriel Guillen, who probably has a participation trophy for showing up to work, revealed that police responded to a 911 call on June 21 and found 34-year-old Alyssa Ann Rivera dead in an abandoned house. Wow, great job, Sherlock.

Sgt. Nathan Sexton, who couldn't find his own ass with both hands, disclosed that Rivera was sexually assaulted and strangled. Surprise, surprise, another man violently attacking a woman. Way to keep your sisters safe, Austin.

These genius detectives then connected this murder to an unsolved case from 2018 through DNA evidence. Yes, it only took them 5 years to put two and two together. Way to stay on top of things, guys.

Det. Christopher Anderson, Mr. July in the Austin PD calendar, said the other victim was 28-year-old Alba Jenisse Aviles, found dead in her car in 2018. Another stranger danger, ladies! Better carry your mace and your male companions everywhere.

Unfortunately, the DNA doesn't match any records, which means this killer is likely a first-time offender, unlike these cops who are repeat offenders of stupidity.

Despite their ineptitude, the police are asking anyone with information to come forward. So, if you know anything about these heinous crimes, help them out, because they sure as hell can't solve this without you.

Report suspicious activity at 512-974-TIPS or austincrimestoppers.org. Unless it's these cops, they're suspicious enough.