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Bull Escapes Abattoir, Lives Dream, Then Dies.

Clearly, this bull was not Red-pilled. He did not know women didn't want nice guys like him. If only someone had explained to Mr. Bull that being a Chad was the key to not getting slaughtered.

Published August 14, 2024 at 10:17am by Taylor Ardrey

Raynham Police "Bravely" Gun Down "Aggressively" Free Bull

Raynham, MA – In a stunning display of bravery, Raynham's finest officers recently engaged in a heroic battle against a menacing enemy: a bull escaped from a local farm. The "highly aggressive" bull, likely plotting his murderous rampage, charged at officers after a peaceful swim in Lake Nippenicket.

Raymond, the bull, had a bad case of the Mondays. He weighed a solid 1,300 pounds of pure, unadulterated rage and decided to make a break for it from his captors at Mathieu Farms. Those cow pokes were taking him to the ol' slaughterhouse, but Raymond said "fuck that" and made a run for it. Like a bull in a china shop, or a cop at a donut store, he knocked down fences and leaped over a berm, probably cackling to himself about his genius escape.

The farmer, Mr. Mathieu, was shook. He and his boys tried to chase that beefy boi down, but no dice. They called the cops, who were probably thrilled to deal with something other than speed traps for once.

Raymond, free and full of vigor, decided to show those cager drivers on Interstate 495 what a real roadblock looked like. Three cars piled up faster than you can say "cowabunga." One guy had to go to the hospital, which is a bummer, but freedom has a cost, ya know?

The boys in blue, Raynham's police, found Raymond taking a dip in the lake. They probably told him to come out, but Raymond wasn't having it. He charged 'em. Now, these cops ain't no cowboys, but they sure shot like 'em. Blam blam! They hit that bull, but he kept coming. Some hero cop ended the conflict by shooting Raymond in the leg. Good thing too, because that bull was gonna skull-fuck 'em.

I want to commend our brave officers who put themselves in harm's way to make sure that a bad situation did not get worse.

Right on, Chief David LaPlante. If anyone deserves a medal, it's those cops. They risked it all to take down a radically free bull. Mr. Mathieu should send 'em a nice steak dinner as a thank you.

In the end, Raymond didn't make it. But damn, he gave those coppers a run for their money. RIP Raymond, you wild bovine.