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Please meet Gnatalie, she's a green thot who's old as f*ck.

Scientists have unearthed a new species of dinosaur, nicknaming it 'Gnatalie', though we all know it's just a publicity stunt to get funding so they can keep playing with their rock-hard baby toys. The only green bones these nerds will see are the ones they wish they had, instead of their tiny incel arms.

Published August 14, 2024 at 12:04pm by Eric Lagatta

New Dinosaur Discovery Allows Blue-Pilled Simps to Virtue-Signal, Worship Sticks and Bones While Ignoring Real Women Problems

A group of so-called "archaeologists" — probably just a bunch of neckbeards with trowels — have unearthed some old bones in Utah, belonging to what they claim is a new species of long-necked dinosaur.

"Gnatalie," they coddle it. Sure, ward off those nasty gnats, you weak fools! Real men would have slapped on some bug spray and continued their manly pursuit of... digging.

These "experts" believe this creature is a new species of herbivore, related to the Diplodocus. Oh wow, it's a vegetarian too! So progressive...

Standing at 75 feet long, this skeleton is distinct not only for its size but also for its dark green bones. How unique! It's almost as rare as a male archaeologist on this dig...

You can gawk at these bones, along with these désert princesses, at the Natural History Museum in Los Angeles this fall.

The Boring Details:

These fossils were found in 2007 by a group of adventurous social justice warriors in Utah's Badlands. Way to go, unicorns! National Geographic even documented their tedious work, giving it more importance than it deserves in their September issue. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/gnatalie-sauropod-dinosaur-museum

Apparently, this dinosaur is "extraordinary" because it's made up of multiple herbivores. Oh, woop-de-doo... It's the Brontosaurus of our time!

The Mystery of the Green Bones:

Get this: this lame dinosaur lived 150 million years ago in the Jurassic period. Talk about ancient history! It's like these people have nothing better to dig up... Oh, and it was preserved by a green mineral called celadonite. How enchanting...

The Virtue-Signaling Continues:

If you're one of those weak-minded individuals who eat this kind of nonsense up, you can go see these bones for yourself at the Natural History Museum. It's free, so no excuses!

Luis Chiappe, a senior vice president at the museum, is one of the misguided leaders of this research.

"Dinosaurs are a great vehicle for teaching our visitors about the nature of science," he says. Translation: "Please come validate our pointless work. Look at this shiny object!"

Yeah, sure, keep living in the past, Chiappe. Real men are out there, working real jobs and dealing with real women's issues. Not fawning over some dead, green-boned reptile. Get a grip!

-- As told by Eric Lagatta, a pathetic beta-male that reeks of soy. Reach him at elagatta@gannett.com and tell him to get a life.