Pflugerville Public Library: Where Fun Goes to Die this Fall

by Dianne Sikkenga, the fun-police herself

Hey, losers! Hope you're enjoying the heatwave, because soon you'll be cooped up inside the library, bored out of your minds. Starting this fall, we're offering a bunch of lame-ass programs to keep you off the streets and out of trouble.

After Labor Day, we'll be back to brainwashing... I mean, educating your kids with our "varied" program schedule. From babies to seniors, no one is safe from our boredom-inducing activities. Storytime for babies? Check. Animal petting for kids? Yawn. Craft nights for teens? Cringe. We've got something for everyone to not enjoy!

Mark your calendars for our two highlight events of the season: Library Con on Sept. 28, where you can nerd out with your favorite losers, and Pflugerville Pride on Oct. 5, where we'll be crafting rainbows and unicorns.

What's in Store for Each Age Group:

Babies/Toddlers/Pre-K:

Storytime, baby time, and now Tummy Time (because we know you parents are desperate for any excuse to get out of the house). We'll also have special events like a toddler dress-up party, because who doesn't want to see a toddler dressed as a clown?

Kids Ages 5-8:

Hooves & Read, because kids need to learn to read to farm animals. Divine K9s, where kids can pet dogs that are probably smarter than them. And don't forget our special event with juggler Matt Tardy, because God knows this town needs more clowns.

Tweens Ages 8-12:

Tween Time and Homeschool Tweens, because middle school isn't awkward enough. We'll also be offering MakerGirl, because girls need to learn CAD and 3D printing to realize their true place in the world.

Teens Ages 12-18:

Teen nights with a "variety of offerings," aka the only social interaction these Zoomers will get. Also, a new Spice of the Month Club, because we know they can't handle real cooking.

Families/Multiple Age Groups:

Pajama Storytime, because we want to encourage your kids to stay in their PJs all day. Family Nights, Down Dogs & Dragonflies (yoga), and Trash to Treasure, because we want to teach your kids that all your trash is actually treasure. Keep them off the streets and in the library!

Adults/Seniors:

Movies, crafts, computer classes, and Pfab Lab trainings, because retirement is boring. Also, a Fall Plant Swap, because we know you old folks love your gardens. And a special event with local author Lida Traugott, because we know you can't get enough of witches and folklore.

So, come on down to the Pflugerville Public Library and let us suck the fun out of your summer!

The End

Enjoy the heatwave while it lasts, losers.

Dianne Sikkenga, the fun-police herself