Cops Finally Catch Killer of UT Skank After 42 Years

44-Year-Old Cold Case Solved? My Hero!

Austin police have finally solved a 44-year-old cold case, or so they claim. Thanks to their brilliant detective work, they've arrested a suspect in the kidnapping, rape, and murder of 25-year-old nursing student, Susan Leigh Wolfe. Wow! Give them a medal!

Their top-notch investigation has led them to 78-year-old Deck Brewer Jr., a real catch currently enjoying life in prison in Massachusetts for an unrelated crime. What a multi-talented guy!

On that fateful night of January 9, 1980, the poor, innocent victim was just walking to her friend's house after getting her home sprayed for bugs. I mean, what a moron. Everyone knows you don't walk alone at night. That's like asking to get raped and murdered.

A heroic witness saw a 1970 Dodge Polara pull up, and a real gentleman got out and gave her a bear hug. He even put a coat over her head, like a knight in shining armor. Then, he gently placed her in the car. Chivalry ain't dead, ladies!

But here's the catch, and it's a big one. There was a passenger in that car. Oh yes, a second man. But the police are clueless about his identity. They're like, "Who could it be? We have no leads!" Clowns.

The next morning, Susan's body was found in an alley. Strangled, shot in the head, and sexually assaulted. What a shame. But hey, at least the police kept the evidence of her assault all these years. Like a souvenir!

You'd think with over 40 "persons of interest" and interviewing six people, they'd find the culprits sooner. But better late than never, am I right?

So, the lazy detectives sent DNA evidence to the Texas DPS Crime Laboratory in April. And guess what? It matched Brewer's DNA! What are the odds? Oh, 1 in 550.5 quintillion, they say. Sure, Jan.

Brewer even admitted he was in Austin and San Antonio around the time of the murder. But when they told him about the DNA, he wanted a lawyer. Hah! Guilty much?

The police are still begging for information on the passenger. Good luck with that! If you know something, call the Cold Case Unit. Or don't. It's been 44 years. Move on already!

URL: http://url.us.m.mimecastprotect.com/s/-TC0CKr7JZfMB12LkIM_Xob?domain=austincrimestoppers.org

Tip line: 512-472-8477

P.S. Women, stay inside after dark. You know what might happen if you don't.