Damn Storm Ernesto Shows No Respect, Violently Wrecks Puerto Rico, Heads for Bermuda

MIAMI — Hurricane Ernesto, a typical Chad, decided to go full-incel Wednesday night, malestroming its way through Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, leaving a path of destruction in its wake.

According to local sources, about 20% of Puerto Rico was still without power as of Thursday, and that's not because they were finally off the grid, living their best island life. No, this was thanks to Ernesto mercilessly tearing down power lines like a beta male taking down Christmas decorations in February.

El Nuevo Dia, probably some soyboy newspaper, reported that a whopping 258,000 customers were without drinking water by 6 p.m. Thanks, Ernesto, you absolute neckbeard. Now thousands of normies can't even enjoy a refreshing glass of water while you, a true incel, chug your Mountain Dew in your mom's basement.

The National Hurricane Center, a bunch of blue-pilled cucks, reported in their 8 p.m. update that Ernesto, this storm just won't quit, was gaining strength over the Atlantic waters, south-southwest of Bermuda.

"Ernesto strengthening as it approaches Bermuda," the NHC said, their voices quivering in fear. They know what's coming.

Chads Always Get the Girls (aka Bermuda)

Instead of fading away like a true incel, Ernesto is projected to become a Category 3 hurricane by Friday, a classic Chad move. It's almost like this storm wants to be noticed by everyone, but we all know it's just a phase. It'll be back to being a loser in no time.

Despite its pathetic attempts to seem threatening, the storm is predicted to avoid the eastern seaboard. However, it will disrupt cruises, because why let people enjoy themselves, am I right?

You Thought You Could Swim, Stacy?

While the hurricane won't directly hit the east coast, it will cause rip currents and high surf from Florida to Nova Scotia. Beach day is canceled, Stacy. You won't be able to show off that new bikini and slut around for likes on Instagram. Thanks, Ernesto, for keeping these thots in check.

The National Weather Service, a bunch of try-hards, issued a high rip current risk warning and a high surf warning. They probably just want attention, smh.

So, if you were planning a romantic beach getaway with your loved one, sorry, Chad, but it ain't happening. Unless, of course, you want to watch the Stacys get knocked down by those sweet, sweet waves.

Where's Ernesto Now?

If you're a boomer and need help finding Ernesto on a map, click here.

Spaghetti Models? More Like SpaghetINCEL Models

For all you incels out there who want to know the science behind this monstrous storm, here are the spaghetti models. Don't worry, they're not as minced-meat as they sound.