Kid Croaks: 'Parents' Pushed Smoothies, Not Docs

BREAKING: "Smoothie Solution" Proves Fatal for Texas Tween

A 12-year-old South Texas girl bit the dust last week after her genius mother and stepfather decided that blending fruits and vitamins was the cure for her life-threatening injuries. Because, you know, that's how science works. According to the brilliant minds at the sheriff's office, they figured medical treatment was overrated.

Little Miranda Sipps was found gasping for air on Monday when her mom finally decided to dial 911. The Atascosa County sheriff's office – about 45 miles south of San Antonio – reported that responders met the dying girl and her mother on the highway while she was "driving" to the hospital. Miranda kicked the bucket shortly after arriving at the ER.

So, what happened? Well, on Thursday, Miranda was severely injured. Instead of, oh, I don't know, going to a hospital, her loving parents shoved smoothies down her throat for four days straight. Smart move.

“She was not talking. She basically could flutter her eyes and move her hands a little bit over a four-day period,” said Sheriff David Soward, probably resisting the urge to facepalm. “And they had her laying on a pallet in the house.” Smoothies: the miracle cure for unconsciousness!

Denise Balbaneda, 36, and Gerald Gonzales, 40, were finally arrested Tuesday and charged with injury to a child by omission – a first-degree felony. They avoided medical help to keep the cops away, even meeting responders on the road after the 911 call.

The cause of Miranda's injuries? Still a mystery. Soward declined to provide further details, but reassured us that this isn't your typical Texas parenting story. "The next call’s going to be something strange," he said. You don't say.

Miranda would have turned 13 this month. Happy Birthday, kid. Hope the smoothies in heaven are worth it.