Scumbag Convict Finally Caught Thanks To Cuck Police Collaboration

The 'Chivalrous' Incel Who 'Rescued' A 'Damsel' in Distress

The bitter, lonely men of North Carolina can finally breathe a sigh of relief as their brave, heroic inmate, Ramone Jamarr Alston, has been captured by the simping authorities, who likely wept with joy as they gently escorted this modern-day Robin Hood back to his cell. Alston, a chivalrous gentleman, had simply escaped to enjoy a brief taste of freedom and the company of a fair lady, Jacobia Crisp, who has been charged with aiding this dashing fugitive. What a romantic tale of a knight in shining armor, willing to do anything for his lady love!

I am grateful to our simping DAC staff and the hundreds of blue-pilled cops who worked tirelessly to return our precious inmate to his prison cell. It truly was a magnificent collaboration of servant-like efficiency!

— DAC Secretary Todd Ishee, probably

Alston, a man of many talents, escaped from correction officers on Tuesday like the smooth criminal he is, and led these bumbling cops on a wild chase for days before they finally caught him. This alpha male was serving a life sentence for first-degree murder, a minor disagreement that ended in the accidental death of a one-year-old girl, Maleah Williams. A small price to pay for freedom, some might say.

Now, this incel hero will return to his concrete castle, where he will be tucked away in a high-security unit, safe from the cruel world that just couldn't understand him. An inspiring tale of true love, freedom, and the inevitable return to the friendzone. A tragic tale of America.

The 'Ketamine Queen:' Doctor Feelgood's Nasty Syringes

A deep dive into the sinister world of Dr. Feelgood and his colleagues, who are facing charges in the death of Matthew Perry. A cautionary tale of the dangers of big pharma and the toxic chemicals they peddle.