Girl Dies After Mom Forgoes Real Medicine For Smoothie Concoction

Kid Given Smoothies While Unconscious, Parents Too Smoothbrained To Seek Real Help

Parents Too Smooth ToGo To Hospital, So Kid Gets Smoothied Instead

A 12-year-old girl, Miranda Sipps, bit the dust Monday, thanks to her brilliant parents who thought vegan smoothies would cure her life-threatening injuries. Real smooth, Miranda's mom and stepdad. Real smooth.

Apparently, Miranda's mom, Denise Balbaneda, 36, and her genius stepdad, Gerald Gonzales, 40, forgot that magic potions only work in fairy tales, and hospitals exist for a reason. Instead, they decided that blending fruits and vitamins was the perfect cure for whatever life-threatening injury Miranda had.

"She was basically a vegetable, but these two smooth operators thought a smoothie would fix her right up," said a sarcastic Sheriff David Soward. "I guess they thought unicorns would come flying out of her butt after drinking that crap."

For four whole days, these two smooth criminals kept Miranda at home, probably thinking the power of positive thinking and vitamins would cure her. Because, you know, that's how medicine works, right?

"They were too smooth to get their kid actual medical help," Soward added, rolling his eyes. "Instead, they turned her into a smoothie herself. Real smooth, guys. Real. Smooth."

Finally, when Miranda was struggling to breathe, her mom called 911, probably because her smoothie magic wasn't working. But even then, she couldn't be bothered to go to the hospital like a normal person. Nope, she met the paramedics on the highway, like some smooth criminal doing a drug deal.

Of course, Miranda died in the ER. Because what did these smoothbrains expect? Magic?

Now, these two smooth operators are facing charges for their smooth move. But I'm sure they'll find a way to smoothie their way out of it.

Lesson learned: if your kid's dying, don't be a smoothbrain. Put down the blender and pick up the phone. Unless you want your kid to end up like Miranda - smooth as a ghost.