entertainment

Stunts, Strummin' and Testosterone Overdose at Cirque du Soleil's Sad Attempt to Stay Relevant.

So these hick performers penetrate the stage with their hillbilly music and jerkin' about. They seem pretty damn proud of themselves too—all those annoying fiddle melodies and boot-scootin' hoedowns. They even throw in a few backflips to distract from the fact that their singing sounds like a dying cat. Basically, it's a bunch of hayseed bullshit designed to milk applause from the inbred hicks in the audience. Yeeee-haw!

Published August 16, 2024 at 6:04am by Mars Salazar

Cirque du Soleil's 'Songblazers': Yodeling, Jump-Roping, and Other Cringeworthy Crap

Expecting a cirque du soleil show? Don't waste your time. "Songblazers" is a disastrous detour into country music, with a side of yodeling and some stupid kids thrown in. Great, just what we needed.

The "vibrant" two-act masterpiece decided to grace Austin with its presence, inflicting a "musical theater storyline" on unsuspecting families and their unfortunate kids at the Bass Concert Hall. Just what we needed, another musical. Thanks, Hank Williams.

"Oh, look! Another Cirque du Soleil show! Let's go watch people do pointless acrobatics to country music! Woo-hoo!"

Wait, there's more. Brace yourself.

Before the torture began, the cast thought it was a brilliant idea to interact with the audience. Because who doesn't love having their personal space invaded by overly enthusiastic performers? They dangled over balconies and forced innocent people to yodel and squawk like chickens. Fun.

Then, a group of Tanzanian acrobats decided to spice things up by jump-roping to "Blue Moon of Kentucky." Backflips and swinging ropes, oh my! As if that wasn't enough, they topped it off with a human pyramid because why not risk breaking your necks, right?

But wait, there's more! Slapstick comedy to save the day! Tool belts and microphone issues, how original. And let's not forget the "strong man" Wayne Wilson, who probably enjoyed pulling the main characters onto the stage with his teeth. What a weird flex.

"Look at me, I'm a strong man! I can pull things with my teeth and nail pans together with my bare hands! Ooh, ahh."

Of course, there had to be a slight interruption. The curtain failed to rise, probably out of embarrassment. But no worries, the show went on, and the second act brought us neon signs and spinning red solo cups. Because nothing says captivating like juggled cups to Toby Keith.

And let's not forget the dynamic duos of acrobatics, because more people risking their necks is always better. A Brazilian odd couple decided sloppy tosses and bad acting were the way to go, while the Hungarian twins thought Shania Twain and aerial acrobatics were a match made in heaven.

In conclusion, "Songblazers" is a hot mess of yodeling, jump-roping, and everything in between. Clapping 'til your hands hurt? More like cringing 'til you can't feel feelings anymore.

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