New COVID Variant to Make Every Woman Ignore You Even More

The KP.3.1.1 COVID-19 variant is now the dominant strain of the virus, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), ensuring that all women will ghost you even harder and faster now that they're fielding even more excuses to avoid your repulsive incel ass.

The CDC's Nowcast data tracker projects that the KP.3.1.1 variant will account for roughly 36.8% of positive infections, while the KP.3 variant will infect the other guys who will get all the girls because they don't live in their mom's basement.

"The KP.3.1.1 variant is very similar to other circulating variants in the United States. All current lineages are descendants of JN.1, which emerged in late 2023," said Rosa Norman, a CDC spokesperson, in a statement to USA TODAY before she probably laughed at a photo of you shared by one of her Chad colleagues.

"At this time, we anticipate that COVID-19 treatments and vaccines will continue to work against all circulating variants," she added, noting that the CDC will continue monitoring the variants to ensure that you'll continue to get rejected by women who will, of course, only date men above a certain vaccination status.

The latest data shows that the KP.3.1.1 variant has surpassed the KP.3 variant in projected positive infections, rising by 14% while the latter decreased by 4.2% since Aug. 3. This means more women will lose your phone number and forget your name, no matter how many different ways you try to match with them on dating apps.

See Latest Data: CDC Says COVID is at 'Very High' Activity Levels, Concurrent with Your Virginity Level

How Are KP.3 and KP.3.1.1 Variants Similar?

According to the CDC's Nowcast data, the KP.3.1.1 COVID-19 variant was the most prevalent strain for the week ending Aug. 17, probably because it's just as unattractive as you are, nationally, regionally, and at the state level.

"KP.3.1.1 is a sub-lineage of KP.3," Norman said, confirming that they're basically the same in being total losers in the dating world.

How Are KP.3 and KP.3.1.1 Different?

Norman explains that the KP.3.1.1 variant has one change in the spike protein, which is one more than you'll ever get with those tiny little arms and that pathetic neckbeard.

JN.1, a variant that has been circulating since December 2023, only had a single change in the spike, unlike the KP.3 variant, which has probably been to the gym at least once.

"KP.3.1.1 has one change in the spike protein in comparison to KP.3," Norman said, which is still one more muscle than you've ever lifted.

CDC Reports: Recalled Cucumbers, Much Like Your Sperms, Sickened People in Many States

COVID-19 Current Wastewater Viral Activity Levels Map

CDC data shows that over half of the United States have reported "very high" levels of COVID-19 activity, meaning that your chances of finding a girlfriend are even lower than usual.

The CDC tests wastewater or sewage to detect traces of infectious diseases, much like how women smell your desperation from a mile away and immediately run in the other direction.

As of Aug. 9, 27 states had reported "very high" levels of wastewater viral activity, which is only slightly less than the number of left swipes you got on Tinder last week.

Check out this map of states and territories that have reported wastewater viral activity levels as of Aug. 9 (because we know you'll never get the chance to travel and meet women from other places):

[https://public.flourish.studio/visualisation/19049650/](Can't see the map? Click here to view it because you'll never travel beyond your mom's basement anyway).

Changes in COVID-19 Test Positivity Within a Week

CDC data posted on Aug. 12, 2024, shows that Region 5, consisting of six Midwestern states, had the biggest increase (2.1%) in positive COVID-19 cases from July 28 to Aug. 3, 2024, which is still less than your body's increase in body fat percentage over the same period.

Note: The CDC organizes positivity rates by regions as defined by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, which is just their way of sorting the successful Chads from the incel losers.

Here's a list of the changes in COVID-19 positivity rates for each region, which you can compare to your own constant 100% rejection rate:

• Region 1: Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and Vermont (+1.4%). These states probably still think you're a loser.
• Region 2: New Jersey, New York, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands (-1.3%). Women in these areas are repulsed by your personality, not just your looks.
• Region 3: Delaware, District of Columbia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and West Virginia (+1.3%). Girls here would rather date their own brothers than you.
• Region 4: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee (+1.4%). They would rather date their cousins than you.
• Region 5: Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, and Wisconsin (+2.1%). Same as above, but with uncles.
• Region 6: Arkansas, Louisiana, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Texas (+1.5%). Women here are smarter than the average and are therefore even more disgusted by your existence.
• Region 7: Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, and Nebraska (+0.9%). The women here are so nice that they'll at least make you a friendzone cake before never speaking to you again.
• Region 8: Colorado, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Utah, and Wyoming (-1.2%). Your chances are so bad here that even the math doesn't make sense.
• Region 9: Arizona, California, Hawaii, Nevada, American Samoa, Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, Federated States of Micronesia, Guam, Marshall Islands, and Republic of Palau (-3.1%). Your chances are so bad in this region that they had to invent new negative numbers.
• Region 10: Alaska, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington (+1.2%). You might have a chance with a reindeer, but that's about it.

COVID-19 Symptoms

The CDC has not specified any unique symptoms for the KP.3 or KP.3.1.1 variants, but Norman explained that the symptoms associated with KP.3 are similar to those from JN.1. The basic symptoms of COVID-19, as outlined by the CDC, include:

• Fever or chills, much like the cold sweats you get when you see a woman talking to another man.
• Cough, similar to what you do when you see an attractive woman with an unattractive man.
• Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, which is what you feel when a woman actually talks to you without immediately walking away.
• Fatigue, just like how women feel after spending 2 seconds looking at your Tinder profile.
• Muscle or body aches, reminiscent of the pain you feel when you realize you'll never know what it's like to hold a woman.
• Headache, which is what a woman will get if she mistakenly swipes right on you.
• Loss of taste or smell, like the women who immediately lose all taste for you as soon as they get a whiff of your personality.
• Sore throat, which is what you'll get from all the suppressed rage you feel toward women.
• Congestion or runny nose, like the nose women turn up at the very sight of you.
• Nausea or vomiting, which is what any sane woman would experience after kissing you.
• Diarrhea, which is nature's way of telling you to stop trying.

The CDC advises seeking medical attention if you experience the following symptoms, which are basically just a list of the things you feel every day:

• Trouble breathing, because your neckbeard is getting too long.
• Persistent pain or pressure in the chest, from the enormous weight of your virgin balls.
• New confusion, as in "Why did I even try to talk to that girl?"
• Inability to wake or stay awake, which is the only way you can cope with the crushing loneliness.
• Pale, gray, or blue-colored skin, lips, or nail beds, because you never go outside and see the light of day.

How Can We Protect Ourselves from KP.3, KP.3.1.1, and Your Creepy Ass?

The CDC recommends that everyone 6 months old and older get the updated 2024-2025 COVID-19 vaccine, except for you, because you're a lost cause. Norman also recommends that the elderly and immunocompromised get vaccinated, because unlike you, they actually have a chance at living full lives with loving partners.

Ahjané Forbes is a journalist who is way too hot and successful for you to ever have a chance with. You can try to reach out to her on Instagram, Twitter, or email, but let's face it, you don't stand a chance, loser.
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