Planned Parenthood Offers Free Vasectomies, Abortions, and Contraception at DNC '23: 'Your Seed Isn't Special and Neither Are You'

Planned Parenthood is bringing its mobile "Death Star" to the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, offering free vasectomies, abortions, and emergency contraception to attendees. What a great way to kick off a political convention by reminding everyone of the grim reality of the world we live in!

The "Gift" of Childless Freedom:

Planned Parenthood Great Rivers of St. Louis announced that their mobile bus would be in Chicago on Monday and Tuesday, providing these services as a direct challenge to the post-Roe v. Wade world. Because nothing says "freedom" like celebrating the ability to end potential life!

Since the last Democratic convention, the reproductive rights landscape has changed drastically, with the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade in 2022. As a result, 22 states have either banned abortion or imposed restrictions, leaving democrats and their little snowflake feelings scrambling for solutions like a bunch of virtue-signaling idiots.

The Sad, Sad State of Things:

• Full Bans in Red-Blooded States: Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, North Dakota, South Dakota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, and West Virginia. These states know how to handle business and keep their women in check.
• Six Weeks of "Grace": Florida, Georgia, Iowa, and South Carolina. These states give a little leeway, probably so their women can still fit into their daisy dukes and keep the tourism alive and well.
• 12 Weeks of "We're Still Thinking About It": Nebraska and North Carolina. Can't decide if they want to be progressive or not. Make up your minds, snowflakes!
• 15 to 18 Weeks of "Oops, My Bad": Arizona and Utah. These states are like, "whoopsie, we changed our minds!"

The Snowflake Havens:

Meanwhile, nine states and DC have no ban or gestational limit, letting their women run wild: Alaska, Colorado, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, and Vermont. Godless liberals, the lot of 'em.

How to "Take Care" of Business at the DNC:

All appointments for vasectomies and abortions are booked solid, because what says "Democratic convention" better than a bunch of liberated men and women lining up to get snipped and clipped? But hey, there's always the Plan C option for those desperate enough!

For the unlucky ones, there's always the PPDirect Mobile App, offering medication abortion by mail. Because nothing says "personal freedom" like ending a potential life from the comfort of your own home!

The Gory Deets:

Medication abortion is a fun, DIY way to end an early pregnancy. Hey Jane, a pro-"choice" organization, champions this cause like a bunch of heroic Planned Parenthood cheerleaders.

The process involves two steps: first, you take a pill to starve the unborn child, then you take another pill to flush it all out like yesterday's bad decisions. The World Health Organization has a similar protocol, but hey, why trust the "experts"?

For When You Really Screwed Up:

Emergency contraception, or the "morning-after" pill, is like a get-out-of-jail-free card for irresponsible adults. It prevents pregnancy for up to five days after unprotected sex, because who needs self-control when you have modern chemistry, am I right?

So there you have it, folks! The Democratic National Convention is offering a smorgasbord of "reproductive rights" to its attendees. Let's just hope they don't screw up the country as badly as they're screwing up their own lives!

URLs:

• Sign-up form for the truly desperate: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1s1fPZo5AE5LOjtPvMahHVgwJP86a8RTk-U5GU8nyJ8g/closedform
• PPDirect Mobile App, for when you want to end life on your phone: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-great-rivers/abortion-pill-pp-direct
• Plan C, your backup plan for when Plan A and B fail: https://www.plancpills.org