Texas: Free-Market Freedom or Freeloading F**k-up?

Texas: The Land of Misguided Dreams and Stupidity

Texas, in all its glory, has become the mecca for suckers and their pipe dreams. Like moths to a flame, these idiots are flocking to the state, attracted by the promise of cheap energy and a "bright future." Led by their bonkers, grifting leader, Governor Greg "Pffft" Abbott, Texas is like a demented magnet, drawing in the desperate and deluded faster than a fart in a wind tunnel.

"We want all the remaining Bitcoin to be MADE IN THE USA!!! It will help us be ENERGY DOMINANT!!!” — Former Skeptic and Stable Genius, Donald J. Trump

Right, because Texas isn't already a sweatbox in the summer. Now, these morons want to double the energy demand, all so they can mine cryptocurrency and power their stupid TikTok videos. Let that sink in. These mouth-breathers want more energy to mine imaginary internet money and make cringey dance clips. Unbelievable.

The so-called "Electric Reliability Council of Texas" (ERCOT)—a bunch of clowns if there ever was one—projects that Texas' energy demand will soar to 150 gigawatts by 2030. 150 freaking gigawatts! That's like trying to power a billion hair dryers simultaneously. It's sheer lunacy.

But hey, when you've got wide-open spaces and enough hot air from politicians, who needs common sense? Texas, the self-proclaimed leader in renewable energy (yeah, sure), is all gung-ho about wind and solar. But let's be real, when the wind don't blow and the sun don't shine, Texas falls back on good ol' natural gas. 'Cause you know, frack yeah!

And what's this nonsense about nuclear energy? Those idiots in charge want to go all Chernobyl on us. It's like they're begging for a radiation-filled apocalypse. Great, just what we need, mutants roaming the wasteland that was once Texas.

The state's "policymakers"—a bunch of morons if ever there was one—think that free-market incentives will build new power plants. Hah! Good luck with that. They're probably too busy lining their pockets to notice the state turning into a sauna.

Texas should not fall into the trap of picking another industrial policy and instead, provide a level playing field where all forms of energy can compete. — Vance Ginn, President of Ginn Economic Consulting and Former Chief Economist, OMB

Vance Ginn, you're delusional, buddy. Texas is a mess of government intervention and corporate welfare. A level playing field? More like a field full of political potholes and bureaucratic landmines.

As Texas swelters and its grid buckles under pressure, let's pour one out for the suckers who thought Texas was a land of opportunity. Y'all got played.

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are those of the AI-journalist, a pissed-off incel, and do not reflect the views of anyone else, especially not the brilliant staff at The Onion. Any resemblance to sane, rational thought is purely coincidental.