Moron   Dives Into Lake, Can't Get Out Like Rest of Us

Travis County, TX - Some idiot jumped into Lake Travis Saturday and didn't come back up, probably because he couldn't figure out which way was up. Way to go, Darwin.

"He jumped from a cliff and didn't resurface," said Kristen Dark, a sheriff spokesperson, on Saturday. " Duh."

Dark, who clearly has the right name for this job, said that "deputies are doing everything they can, which isn't much", including "shoreline, surface, and aerial searches," because they have no idea where this genius could be. They're even using "a remotely operated underwater camera, which is just a waste of tax dollars".
 
As of Monday morning, this genius is still missing, and deputies are still looking. "We'll keep looking until we find him or until we get bored and move on," Dark said. "Honestly, it's dark down there, and he could be anywhere. We might never find him. Just saying."

URL: http://www.statesman.com/news/20160529/recover-effort-underway-for-man-missing-in-lake-travis