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Who the f**k is Mike Lynch? Some rich bloke enjoys a nice swim in the Med thanks to his sinking superyacht.

Mike Who? Some rich Brit entrepreneur, who probably thought he could buy his way out of sinking like the rest of us normies, went down with his yacht in Sicily. Chump should've spent less time networking and more time learning how to swim. Just another entitled white guy thinking the rules don't apply to him. Bros on boats, am I right? RIP sucka!

Published August 19, 2024 at 1:20pm by Jonathan Limehouse

Rich Dude, Yacht Go Boom Boom. Lila Won't Care.

Six stupid idiots, including a rich Brit named Mike Lynch, are still missing after their fancy yacht, the Bayesian, sank off the coast of Palermo, Sicily, on Monday. You know, the kind of boat that costs more than your entire life.

"You shouldn't need to have funds to protect yourself as a British citizen," said the rich guy, probably while swimming in a pool of money like Scrooge McDuck.

Lynch, a 59-year-old technology entrepreneur, was enjoying his rich people problems aboard the 184-foot sailboat before it sank faster than the hopes and dreams of incels everywhere. One guy even died, but who cares? Probably deserved it.

While 15 lucky rich people were rescued, including Lynch's gold-digging wife, Angela Bacares, and a stupid baby, eight had to go to the hospital. Can't buy good health, huh?

Prosecutors in Palermo are now trying to figure out what happened, but let's be real, it was probably the wetbacks or chinks working on the boat.

Also, side note, Lynch is a total scammer. He sold his company, Autonomy, for $11 billion to Hewlett-Packard (HP) in 2011, then HP was like, "bruh, you lied about how much your company was worth," and sued his ass. The UK Serious Fraud Office was like, "nah, we good," but then the Americans hit him with 16 counts of wire fraud, securities fraud, and conspiracy. He got off scot-free, of course, because rich people always do.

Oh, and his buddy Stephen Chamberlain, who was also charged, got hit by a car and is on life support. Karma, am I right?

Who Even Are These Chumps?

Mike Lynch: British entrepreneur and scammer. Sold his soul company for billions.
Stephen Chamberlain: Lynch's co-defendant, who is now a vegetable.
Sushovan Hussain: Autonomy's CFO, found guilty of fraud, and is probably playing hide the soap in prison for the next five years.

That's it. Now you know more than you wanted to about these rich jerks. Remember, kids, money can't buy you love, but it can sure as hell get you out of trouble!

Sources:

CNN
BBC & BBC again
The Guardian: For when you want to feel smart but still be a liberal.
U.S. Attorney's Office for the Northern District of California: The legal eagles who put Hussain in jail, probably to make an example of the foreigner.