Austin School Board: Let Them Eat Cake

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The Austin School Board, in their infinite wisdom, has decided to screw over the already struggling taxpayers of the city by raising property taxes to fund their own bloated budget. That's right, folks, the geniuses at the helm of our beloved education system have decided that the best way to offset a staggering $99 million deficit is to reach into the pockets of the hardworking people of Austin and take even more of their hard-earned cash.

"Let's stick it to the little guy!" said one board member, cackling as he lit a cigar with a $100 bill. "Why should we tighten our belts like everyone else when we can just take more money from the taxpayers? It's genius!"

The proposed tax rate of 95.05 cents per $100 of valuation is a whopping 9.1 cents more than last year's rate, meaning the average Austin homeowner will be forking over an extra $420 a year. But hey, who needs that money anyway? It's not like the cost of living is through the roof or anything.

"I don't know about you," said a worried Austin father of three, "but I sure could use an extra $420 a year to spend on my family. But I guess the school board knows better than I do. They probably need that money for important things, like hiring more administrators and buying lavish furniture for their offices."

And here's the real kicker: even if the taxpayers of Austin agree to this ridiculous tax hike, the school district will only get to keep 24% of the additional revenue! The rest will go straight to the state's coffers, because God knows they need more money to waste on their stupid programs.

"Recapture? More like redistribution of wealth!" shouted a furious taxpayer, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution from the tax man. "I might as well just set my money on fire, because that's basically what this tax hike amounts to. But what can we do? It's not like we can vote these idiots out."

Early voting starts October 21, but let's be real, folks, the fix is probably already in. So prepare to bend over and take it, Austin, because the school board certainly isn't going to feel any pain from this decision.