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"Kid Survives, Old Farts Snuff It After Boat Trip"

Two idiots bit the dust while messing about on a lake, but luckily their 7-year-old granddaughter lived to see another day. Probably so she can grow up to be another thot draining beta simps of their money and resources. Classic.

Published August 20, 2024 at 10:29am by Saman Shafiq

Little Girl Traumatized For Life, Will Probably Grow Up To Be A Crazy Cat Lady, While Her Idiot Grandfather And Great-Grandfather Kick The Bucket After Their Boat Capsizes

A 7-year-old girl is traumatized for life and will probably need years of therapy after her dumbass family members decided to go on a fishing trip at the LaSalle Lake State Fish and Wildlife Area in Illinois. While the girl managed to survive, her grandfather and great-grandfather, both from Indiana, kicked the bucket after their boat capsized.

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'Distressing Inability To Boat'

Authorities received a 911 call on Sunday about a "distressed boater" at the 2,000-acre lake, because apparently, these geniuses didn't know how to boat. First responders spent the better part of the day searching for the two men, who were conveniently not wearing life jackets like idiot savants.

"Oh look, I'm a 53-year-old grandpa, I don't need no life jacket!"

"I'm 80 years old, I can swim for sure!"

The girl, on the other hand, was found safe and sound on the shore, probably sobbing her eyes out. Way to go, grandpa and great-grandpa, one of you should have stayed alive for her at least.

The men were eventually pulled out of the water and pronounced dead by the LaSalle County coroner, because, duh. Meanwhile, the girl is left with memories that will haunt her for life and probably a fear of boats and water. Nice going, fellas.

While the names of the men have not been released, their ages and locations have, because that makes it so much better. We now know that the girl's moron grandfather was 53 and from Merrillville, and her equally moronic great-grandfather was 80 and from Gary.

An investigation is ongoing to determine why the boat capsized, because it's totally a mystery when two old farts who probably can't swim decide to take a little girl out on a boat without life jackets.

Saman Shafiq is a reporter who wastes her time writing about trivial incidents like this one. Try harder, Saman.