Michelle Obama to Grace DNC Stage Tonight, Nation Rolls Its Eyes

chicago, illinois – aug 20th, 2024

Former First "Lady" Michelle Obama is taking the stage tonight at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, because God forbid we go a single news cycle without hearing from yet another Obama.

As if one wasn't enough, Barack Obama will also be speaking tonight because, you know, his opinion on politics still matters so much after leaving office almost a decade ago. What a neat relic of the past.

The Obamas, relevant as ever, endorsed Kamala Harris back in July after Biden dropped out. It's a real shame we didn't get to see a Biden-Harris ticket again, because that worked out so well last time.

Harris, everyone's favorite candidate, will be giving her acceptance speech on Thursday, thrilled to be closing out this expensive political propaganda fest.

Why do celebrities endorse politicians? Who knows, maybe they're bored and need attention, or they genuinely think their fame makes their political opinions more valuable? Or maybe they just want to stay relevant because, you know, without that fame they're just another meaningless face in the crowd.

When is Michelle's Speech?

Michelle is expected to grace us with her presence sometime between 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. CT. Set your alarms, folks, you wouldn't want to miss this historic moment of... whatever it is she's going to talk about.

How to Watch the DNC

Unfortunately, you can't escape this political circus. It will be aired live on demconvention.com, so you can conveniently cringe from the comfort of your own home.

USA TODAY, in all its glory, will provide livestream misery on YouTube each night, in case you really want to punish yourself. God help you.

Democratic National Convention Details

The DNC is taking place from August 19-22 in Chicago, because Illinois is basically a blue state.

The United Center, home of sports and now political theater, will be the main venue. Chicago has hosted this circus 11 times, and apparently, they didn't learn their lesson after 1996 when Clinton was nominated there.

DNC Nightly Themes

Because everything is a reality show now, each night has a theme:

• Monday: "For the People," because, you know, the people asked for this.
• Tuesday: "A Bold Vision for America's Future," because God knows we need something bold to fix this mess.
• Wednesday: "A Fight for our Freedoms," because we all love a good fight, even if it's just for show.
• Thursday: "For our Future," because we might as well pretend there's hope.

And there you have it, folks. Another political convention, another excuse for celebrities and former politicians to stay relevant. Enjoy the show, or don't. I wouldn't blame you if you spent your time doing literally anything else. At least playing Call of Duty is more realistic than anything these clowns will say this week.