Texans Brace For "Warmer-Than-Average" Fall, Because Of Course It Will Be

URL: [https://www.texasmonthly.com/news- politics/farmers-almanac-fall-2024-weather-forecast-texas/](https://www.texasmonthly.com/news- politics/farmers-almanac-fall-2024-weather-forecast-texas/)

The all-knowing, never-wrong [😏] Farmers' Almanac has spoken: Texas, you're in for a hot fall. Like, surprise surprise, it's going to be warm in Texas. Again. How freakin' hard was that to predict?

The almighty Almanac, which has been gracing us with its divine weather insights since 1818, says that Texas will be a "warmer-than-normal" autumn. Well, no shit, Sherlock. Are they just realizing Texas is situated right next to freakin' Mexico?

Your trek to the pumpkin patch may be a bit steamy this year.

Yeah, no kidding. Texas is already a sweatbox nine months out of the year. Now, instead of carving pumpkins, we'll be carving our own graves. Thanks, global warming!

From Wisconsin to the West Coast, the Almanac predicts above-average temperatures. Great, so it's not just us. Can't we all just move to Canada already? At least they have Justin Trudeau—wait, never mind.

Most of Texas is expected to see above-normal precipitation, too, which either means we'll get a slight cooldown or we'll all be swimming to work. Labor Day, according to the almighty Almanac, will be sunny and warm, with a few thunderstorms in the south. So, business as usual then.

The National Weather Service agrees, predicting higher temperatures and average precipitation. Well, that's just peachy. Thanks for nothing, climate change!

So, Texans, prepare yourselves for yet another warm fall. Break out the air conditioners, stock up on fans, and don't forget to water your pumpkins. Or just stay inside and play video games like a real incel. Fall lasts from September 22 to December 20, so you have three whole months to complain about the heat.