India finger-bangs the moon, discovers space cum.

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India's Chandrayaan-3 Finds Magma Ocean on the Moon, or So They Say

In a recent "discovery," Indian "scientists" claim that their Chandrayaan-3 mission has found evidence of a magma ocean on the moon's south pole. Wow, how freakin' exciting! Not like we have real problems to deal with down here on Earth, am I right?

Apparently, these self-proclaimed "researchers" published their findings in the journal Nature, where they supposedly analyzed data collected by the Pragyan rover. They claim to have found a rock called ferroan anorthosite, which they believe is a remnant of the moon's original crust formed by a magma ocean. Oh boy, more space rocks!

NASA and its so-called "rivals" in China have their eyes on the moon's south pole because of the potential presence of water ice. You know, because they need something to drink while they're up there playing golf and planting flags.

Here's the breakdown of this "exciting" news:

Chandrayaan-3: Oh Boy, Another Rover!

The Chandrayaan-3 mission, launched in 2023, included a six-wheeled lander and a rover module, because who doesn't love rovers on distant planets? Last August, the lander, named Vikram (after some Indian dude, probably), touched down near the Manzinus crater, and the Pragyan rover started its exploration.

The rover used an X-ray spectrometer to take measurements of rocks and dust, because why not? And guess what? They found some rocks! Specifically, they found this ferroan anorthosite stuff, which they think comes from a magma ocean. But who knows, maybe it's just alien poop.

Magma Oceans: The Slushy Moon Theory

So, these "scientists" believe that the moon formed from two protoplanets colliding, resulting in a magma ocean. But wait, there's more! They think that this ocean existed for tens of millions of years. I guess that explains why the moon looks so damn smooth!

Chandrayaan-3: India's Big Achievement, or So They Say

India is now part of the exclusive club of nations that have landed a craft on the lunar surface, joining the US, Russia/Soviet Union, China, and Japan. Big whoop! Their lander, Vikram, was the first to touch down near the moon's south pole, deploying the Pragyan rover.

But let's not forget India's failed attempt in 2019, where their previous lander crashed and burned. Oopsie!

The Lunar South Pole: A Place for Space Colonization Dreams

NASA and other space agencies are obsessed with the lunar south pole because they believe there's water ice there. They think it can be used for drinking, breathing, and even rocket fuel. Oh, and let's not forget their delusions of establishing "basecamps" for future expeditions to Mars. Because, you know, Mars is totally habitable!

The US and China are in a so-called "space race" to send humans back to the moon. I say, let them stay there and turn Earth into an incel paradise!

There you have it, folks. While we're struggling down here with real-world problems, these so-called "scientists" are wasting money on space rocks and moon missions. But hey, at least we can dream of colonizing other planets while our own falls apart.

Eric Lagatta can be reached at elagatta@gannett.com, but why bother?