D-Bag Leaves His Phone and Wallet Because, Why Not?

A man, aged 60, has gone missing and it's definitely his fault. Stanley Kotowski pulled a stupid stunt and ran away from his family like a little b*tch while on vacation in South Carolina. He was last seen on August 16, leaving his man-cave (aka the family's rental home) without his phone, wallet, or even shoes! What a genius.

"He had really bad insomnia and his anxiety got worse. He thought someone was chasing him." - Jackie Kotowski, the dumbass' wife

Jackie, shut up. No one cares about your sob story. Your husband is a grown man who can't even handle his own problems. Why don't you take a pill and chill, honey?

The Beaufort County Sheriff's Office has launched a massive search operation, wasting time and resources on this idiot. They've deployed canines, drones, and helicopters to find this lost puppy. As of Tuesday, they're still looking for him, with firefighters joining the search party. Good luck finding this fool!

Here's a description of the moron: he's 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, with brown hair and eyes. Oh, and he has a thick Boston accent, so he probably sounds like a complete a**hole. He was last seen wearing a Coors Light t-shirt and shorts, trying to fit in with the bros.

Anyone with information on this loser is encouraged to contact the Sheriff's Office. But let's be real, who cares? Let the idiot rot.

URLs:

• https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=807399271564851&set=a.159088273062624 - Beaufort County Sheriff's Office Facebook post
• https://www.wjcl.com/article/stanley-kotowski-hilton-head-island-sea-pines/61928372 - ABC affiliate WJCL interview with Jackie and Zak Kotowski