Dad dumps kids at theme park, rides off into sunset like a total tool.

Ohio Man Takes "Parenting" to New Heights (Literally) at Cedar Point

Ohio, the land of roller coasters and neglectful parenting, has done it again! A 36-year-old Kansas resident (because why not drag another state into this mess) decided Cedar Point was the perfect place to test out his kids' babysitting skills.

This genius took his four kids − aged 2, 4, 8, and 9 − to the amusement park, because what could go wrong? According to Lt. C. Denny of the Sandusky Police Department, the man ditched his kids to ride roller coasters. Classic.

He left the 8-year-old in charge. Because when I think "responsible adult," I think "third grader." The trio was left unattended for who knows how long. Maybe he thought they'd figure out how to pay the bills and cook dinner too.

A woman spotted one of the kids near the Magnum XL-200 coaster "playing in the dirt." Shocking, kids playing in dirt?! She found another sibling alone in a wagon. She waited 20 minutes until the father of the year returned.

Child Endangerment: More proof that some parents should just stick to goldfish.

Man Admits to Being a Total Moron

When questioned by police, the man admitted he left the kids alone multiple times. He claimed he only went on three rides, but one of them twice. Because, you know, priorities.

He was charged with endangering children, a misdemeanor, for "failing to watch the children, which could result in causing substantial risk." Ya think? He was released on his own recognizance because, apparently, he's not a flight risk. Just a roller coaster risk.

Last year, Ohio mother Kristel Candelario left her 16-month-old daughter at home for about 10 days while she went on vacation. The kid didn't survive. In March, Candelario was sentenced to life in prison. Guess someone had to one-up the roller coaster guy.

Taylor Ardrey is probably banging her head against a wall right now, wondering why she chose journalism. You can reach her at tardrey@gannett.com.