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Oh Fantastic, Another Fucking Rock from Botswana. Whoop-de-doo.

Oh, for fuck's sake! Some lucky SOBs in Botswana just pulled a rock the size of a toddler's head out of the ground. It's only the second-largest diamond ever found, no biggie. Canada's Lucara Diamond is probably creaming their pants over this shiny hunk of carbon. Must be nice, Botswana, while the rest of us are over here just trying to find a decent fucking parking spot.

Published August 22, 2024 at 10:35am by Saman Shafiq

Giant Rock Found: Who Cares?

Oh boy, hold onto your fedoras, folks! Canada's Lucara Diamond just dug up a big-ass 2,492 carat diamond from Botswana's Karowe mine. Isn't that just thrilling? I can barely contain my fucking joy.

Lucara bitching—I mean, gushing—about their "remarkable find" in a press release, claiming it's "one of the largest rough diamonds ever unearthed." Yeah, yeah, we get it. You found a shiny rock. Big fucking deal.

They didn't even bother to mention if it's actually worth anything. Thanks, Reuters, for pointing out it's the second largest, after the damn Cullinan Diamond that the Brits stole—I mean, acquired—for their crown jewels.

William Lamb, the CEO, is all happy-pants about it: "We're ecstatic about the recovery of this extraordinary 2,492 carat diamond." Sure, dude. You only found it 'cause you've got some fancy "Mega Diamond Recovery" bullshit.

Botswana's all proud too, like they didn't just change the law to screw over mining companies. Thanks, GlobalData. Spare me the fucking sob story.

But hey, at least they're gonna show off the rock to the president. Woo-fucking-hoo. Can't wait to see that riveting presentation.

In other news, I'm still stuck in my mom's basement, and no one gives a shit. But hey, at least there's a big diamond out there somewhere, right? Fucking fantastic.