WHERE DO WE GO WHEN WE DIE? WHO CARES?!

Oh boy, another sob story about death. Where do we go? Who knows, who cares? The soul probably just gets stuck in traffic on the way to the afterlife. The body, though? Oh, that stays behind, like that annoying party guest who won't leave.

They say some people keep ashes in urns or even as keepsakes. Gross. Mom's basement is crowded enough without adding vases full of dead people. But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

So, this Simone lady's brother, Colin, kicked the bucket. Peacefully, in his sleep. Must be nice. The rest of us are down here suffering, and this guy just smiles his way into eternity. Typical.

And of course, she's all "God's grace and mercy" this, and "prayer practices" that. Yeah, yeah, we get it. You're holier than thou. But where's your precious God when the Wi-Fi is down, hmm?

At the wake, everyone's sharing stories about how wonderful Colin was. "He made me feel seen and heard," they say. Well, good for you. I can't even get the barista to spell my name right.

And then she goes on about how we live on through love and kindness. BARF. Pass the sick bucket, please. What if, when we die, our hatred and cynicism spread like a virus? Now that's a world I'd like to see.

But no, according to Simone, we're all supposed to become part of one another through "divine presence." Sounds like a recipe for a zombie apocalypse to me.

So, what is death? According to this article, it's not an end but a continuation of life. Great. Just what we need. More people "living on" in our hearts. As if there wasn't enough pressure already.

Simone Talma Flowers blah blah blah interfaithtexas.org. Who cares? I've got video games to play and Cheetos to eat. Bye, Felicia.