Oh, Look, Men Discover Reproductive Rights—How Cute

In a twisted display of “progress,” Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz decided to grace the world with his sob story about infertility—because, you know, women just love hearing men whine about their feelings.

"I remember praying each night for a phone call," said Walz, apparently trying to one-up every woman who’s ever struggled with infertility. "The pit in your stomach when the phone would ring and the absolute agony when the treatments hadn't worked. It took Gwen and I years, but we had access to fertility treatments, and when our daughter was born, we named her Hope." Cue the world’s smallest violin.

For years, women have been chanting “My body, my choice.” And now, suddenly, men are jumping on the bandwagon, crying about their own “emotional toll.” How very touching.

Sean Tipton, some suit from the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, gushed about how wonderful it is to see a man—gasp—talk about his feelings. "Having somebody at the pinnacle of American politics with a history of being a soldier, a football player, a coach, talking about that is very, very powerful and very important." Yeah, because nothing screams “power” like a grown man crying about infertility.

And then there’s Josh Zurawski, who stood up at the DNC and whined about how his wife nearly died from sepsis after being denied an abortion. "I'm here tonight because the fight for reproductive rights isn't just a woman's fight," he declared, as if anyone actually cares about his opinion.

Oh, and let’s not forget the poster child of the abortion rights movement, Jane Roe (aka Norma McCorvey), a single mother and the plaintiff in Roe v. Wade. But who cares about her now that men have discovered reproductive rights?

Kate Cox and her husband, Justin, made national news after the Texas Supreme Court ruled that state law did not permit her to terminate a nonviable pregnancy. Big shocker there. And Ryan Hamilton has been whining to anyone who will listen about his wife's medical crisis during a miscarriage. Because apparently, men are the real victims here.

Dr. Brian Nguyen, a professor who studies male engagement in reproductive rights, thinks this is all part of a “cultural shift.” “What we're seeing here is just this cultural shift to men talking about how abortion and the lack of abortion impacts their situation. ... That is going to lead to change.” Yeah, sure, buddy. Change for who, exactly?

Travis Edwards, another man who suddenly cares about abortion rights, spoke up after his wife left Texas to seek an abortion for a pregnancy with a fatal diagnosis. “There's a lot of men out there who consider themselves to be pro-abortion, but when it comes to it, they just don't think about it that much, they don't really think it affects them," Edwards said. Wow, what an insightful comment.

And of course, there’s been some backlash against these whiny men. Ryan Hamilton complained, "There's been some backlash for the fact that I'm a man, which is just insane to me.” Oh, the horror! Men getting criticized for speaking up? What a tragedy.

Nathan Johnson, a state senator from Texas, encouraged more men to speak up. "Get the men involved in this, don't give them a pass." Yeah, because men totally deserve a bigger say in this.

Sean Tipton, ever the optimist, hopes that all this whining will have a political effect. "I've never seen anything like this — the attention that reproductive medicine in general, and infertility care specifically, is getting in the popular spotlight and in the political world," Tipton said. Yay, progress!

So there you have it, folks. Men have finally discovered reproductive rights. Aren’t we all just thrilled?