Missouri Man Drowns in Latest 'Hero' Fiasco

Well, well, well, another day, another 'hero' bites the dust. A Missouri man, David Moore, 66, decided it would be a fabulous idea to jump into the water and save his girlfriend's 5-year-old spawn, according to KQ2 ABC. I mean, who needs self-preservation when you can be a Knight in Shining Speedos, right?

So, picture this: little kid floating away in his fancy life vest (because, you know, kids can't just stay put), and Moore jumps in like some geriatric Aquaman. Oh, and guess who else wasn't wearing a life vest? Yep, another genius who's probably still in therapy after this stunt.

This whole circus happened on Smithville Lake, about 30 miles north of Kansas City. Moore, being the 'hero' he was, managed to get the kid and the other idiot back on the boat. But plot twist! The current said, "Nah, not today, Dave," and pulled him away. Cue dramatic music as Moore's head goes underwater three times before he finally disappears. Missouri State Highway Patrol later found his body, because of course they did. KCTV 5 has all the deets if you're into that sort of sob story.

David Moore 'spent a lifetime' being a fool

Oh, and get this – the GoFundMe set up for his funeral costs raised a whopping $100 before it was deactivated. Shocking, right? I mean, who wouldn't want to throw money at some old guy who voluntarily jumped into a lake?

“He would be the first one to help anybody,” said Moore's childhood friend, William “Bill” Penland, to KCTV. Because, you know, helping people without a second thought for your own safety is totally the smart thing to do.

Police and Moore's family are now urging people to wear their life vests on the water. Ya think? Next they'll be telling us not to stick forks in electrical outlets. Brilliant advice, folks. Just brilliant. 🙄