Polaris Dawn: Another Billionaire Space Joyride, Because Why Not?

Buckle up, peasants! Another billionaire is about to blast off into space, because apparently, there aren't enough problems to solve down here on Earth. Introducing Polaris Dawn, the latest vanity project of billionaire entrepreneur Jared Isaacman and his merry band of space tourists.

This time, they're not just going to orbit; they're going to attempt the first-ever commercial spacewalk. Because who needs to fix healthcare or climate change when you can float around in a tin can and call it progress?

Isaacman, the mastermind behind last year's Inspiration4 (because nothing says inspiration like a rich guy playing astronaut), has teamed up with Elon Musk's SpaceX again. Because if there's one thing we need more of, it's billionaires launching side projects into space.

When is this Space Clown Show?

After sauntering into NASA's Kennedy Space Center last week, the four-member crew is set to take off as early as Tuesday. They'll be riding a SpaceX Crew Dragon capsule, launched by a Falcon 9 rocket. SpaceX is aiming for a 3:38 a.m. liftoff, but if they oversleep, they have until 7 a.m. to hit the snooze button, according to NASA.

And if that doesn't work out, they can always try again on Wednesday. It's not like they have jobs or anything.

How to Watch the Rich Kids Play

SpaceX will be streaming the launch on X (formerly Twitter). The webcast will go live about three and-a-half hours before liftoff, so you can witness the spectacle of wealth inequality in real-time.

NASA is also selling tickets to watch the launch in person. Because why watch billionaires blast off from the comfort of your own home when you can pay to do it in Florida?

The Space Joyride Itinerary

• Day 1: Launch and then cruise through the Van Allen radiation belt. Because why not give yourself cancer on day one?
• Day 2: Spacewalk preparations and a children's book reading by Mission Specialist Anna Menon. Because nothing says "inspirational" like reading to kids from space while the planet burns.
• Day 3: Conduct a spacewalk. Two crew members will exit the spacecraft, exposing the entire interior to the vacuum of space. Because who needs oxygen when you have a cool view?
• Day 4: Test a new laser-based satellite communication system using Starlink. Because Elon Musk needs more ways to monopolize the internet.
• Day 5: Complete some 40 scientific experiments and prepare for reentry. Because science is cool, but only when billionaires are involved.
• Day 6: Reenter Earth's atmosphere and splash down off the Florida coast. Because what's a space joyride without a dramatic finale?

Contributing: Rick Neale, Florida Today

Eric Lagatta covers breaking and trending news for USA TODAY. Reach him at elagatta@gannett.com