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"Ha! Your SSN's probably dancing on the dark web. Check if it's hacked, ya chump."

Oh brilliant, just what we all needed - another bloody chore. Now you get to scrutinize your credit report like it's a stinking mystery novel, hunting for signs of fraud. Bloody fantastic.

Published August 26, 2024 at 9:58am by Marley Malenfant

Billions of Idiots Exposed: USDoD Strikes Again!

Well, well, well, looks like the hacking group USDoD has been busy stealing billions of personal records, including Social Security numbers. ** abril 2024** was their lucky month, and now millions of you suckers are screwed. Thanks, USDoD! 👍

Bloomberg Law reports that a class-action lawsuit was filed in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. USDoD probably threw a party after stealing data from 2.9 billion people. National Public Data, you say? More like National Public Dumbasses.

Wake Up, Sheeple! Here's How to Spot Fraud

Think you're safe from identity theft? Think again! Time to review those credit reports. Here's where to get your free credit report once a year:

The 'Joy' of Free Credit Reports

Why bother? Because it's fun to see how screwed you are!

Fraud Detection: Oh look, someone opened a new account in your name!
Credit Score Monitoring: Watch your score drop like a rock.
Error Correction: Find mistakes, waste time fixing them.
Financial Planning: Lol, what planning? You're broke.
Loan and Credit Approval: Good luck with that.
Debt Management: More like debt mismanagement.
Awareness of Credit Usage: You're maxed out, sucker.

Freeze Your Credit, Freeze Your Life

Think your identity's been stolen? LOL, good luck! Here's how to freeze your credit:

Equifax

Online: Equifax Credit Freeze page
By Phone: 1-800-685-1111
By Mail: Equifax, P.O. Box 105788, Atlanta, GA 30348

Experian

Online: Experian Credit Freeze page
By Phone: 1-888-397-3742
By Mail: Experian Security Freeze, P.O. Box 9554, Allen, TX 75013

TransUnion

Online: TransUnion Credit Freeze page
By Phone: 1-888-909-8872
By Mail: TransUnion, P.O. Box 160, Woodlyn, PA 19094

Don't Be a Fool, Hide Your SSN

Need to open a bank account or rent an apartment? Too bad, they need your Social Security number. But don't give it to just anyone, morons.

Texas attorney general says fraud happens when you share personal info with strangers. Shocking, isn't it?

So there you have it, folks. You're all screwed. Good job, USDoD! 🎉

-USA Today contributed to this mess