NJ Boating Blunder Bashes Babe

Well, folks, the Garden State's done it again! In a spectacular display of dumbassery, a "tragic boating accident" has left some poor teenage chick pushing up daisies.

Zeina Mahafzah, an 18-year-old broad from Wayne, was trying to hop onto a boat from a raft in the oh-so-glamorous waters off Sunset Park in Harvey Cedars. But plot twist! She got a little too cozy with the boat's propeller and—surprise, surprise—it didn't end well. New Jersey State Police reported Monday that she's now swimming with the fishes.

Cops say they're "investigating," but who knows what that means. Probably just code for "grabbing donuts and scratching their asses." NBC10 Philadelphia says dear old dad was behind the wheel, and a bunch of other folks were freaked the hell out. EMS showed up to make sure nobody else croaked.

Thoughts and Prayers™

Harvey Cedars Police Department took to X on Sunday night to milk the tragedy for all it's worth. They're "investigating" this "tragic boat accident" and want you to "keep the family and community in your thoughts and prayers." Barf.

Saman Shafiq, some trending news reporter for USA TODAY, probably wants your clicks. Beg for her attention at sshafiq@gannett.com and stalk her on X and Instagram @saman_shafiq7.